Elizabeth Weir's Diary!
by Padfoot-001
Summary: It's a new year. Elizabeth's keeping a diary. And things are gonna get ugly. Shweir, McWeir etc. etc. Inspiration from Bridget Jones' Diary! UPDATED 21407 AUGUST THE UNTHINKABLE
1. New Years resolutions

Note: Story time again. Man I gotta stop writing new ones and update old ones. I am getting there, don't worry. This story is centered around Elizabeth and a brand new year for her at Atlantis. Has some Sheppard/Weir, mostly them, but it's get everything else too. Heck, anything goes in my crazy stories. And, before I forget, important to note that Simon is on Atlantis ... why? Cause he's smart and they need him, THAT'S WHY! Oh yeah and it's based around Bridget Jones's Diary. The book, not the movie. So read, review and most importantly, enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate Atlantis or the novel "Bridget Jones's Diary" by Helen Fielding.

**Elizabeth Weir's Diary!**

**New Years's Resolutions!**

**I WILL NOT!**

Drink more then 6 glasses of Athosian moonshine a week.

Smoke.

Bother with long and uninteresting briefings as noone listens to them anyway.

Obsess over Simon and the fact that he is now on Atlantis with me.

Get annoyed with Rodney, Zelenka or any of the other scientist as they continue to drive me INSANE!

Keep inventing different scenarios in which Kavanaugh dies a slow and painful death each time.

Bitch about anyone behind their backs, but be kind and patient with everyone.

Be lazy and just hang back whilst everyone goes through the gate and has fun.

Behave sluttishly around Simon, remembering that I do have work to do around the place.

Let my work take over me completly, breaks are important, so is food. I should take up a sport.

Disagree with John on a regular basis just to see him angry.

Try and sneak into Simons quatres every night but play a little hard to get and prove that I am not desperate.

**I WILL!**

Stop smoking.

Drink less as am happy now and totally stress free, cause Simon's here.

Try and loose some weight as those horrid Atlantis pants are becoming increasingly tighter and I must look good for Simon.

Be more accepting.

Be more patient.

Work less and have more fun.

Try and learn Teyla's art of stick fighting as to defend myself when I make regular trips off-world.

Keep the peace with John.

Pay more attention to those who want my attention.

Dedicate more of my time to Simon as he is my boy friend whom I love and need to be around.

Give Simon some space, whilst spending as much time with him as possible (hmmm).

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AN: OKay, well that was just the beginning. Just a small start. It's going to be one heck of a fun year. Smiles wickedly Please review to tell me what you think. I love hearing from you all.


	2. January: A Very Bad Start

Note: Back again for another chapter cause the first one was so short and barely gave you anything to go on. So here is chapter one. The beginning of the new year. AHHHHH, what will the crazy Atlantis people get up to this time? Muhahahah! Oh yeah and I do appologise to Simon, I mean, he's not that bad, but for the sake of a good story, he's a sleave, an absolute sleve. And I must warn you, I don't usually swear, but there is some language used in this story.

Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate Atlantis or the novel "Bridget Jones's Diary" by Helen Fielding.

Warning: Low level swearing used.

**Elizabeth Weir's Diary!**

**January: A Very Bad Start!**

**Sunday, 1st January**

_56 kg (but after large Athosian Christmas dinner, why'd we have to tell them it was important to us?), 6 glasses of moonshine (oh come on, it was new year), 5 cigarettes, 3345 calories._

**Food consumed today:**

18 cups of coffee

3 cups of blue jelly

1 turkey sandwich (damn you John. Mind you they are tasty)

1 helping of some Athosian delicacy (best not to know what's in it)

3 apples (just to make self really full before party so as to avoid Athosian food)

**Noon. Atlantis: My Quatres. **The last thing on earth I feel like doing right now is going to our New Years Day celebration party. John wanted to make it a big celebration because the Athosians had never had one before. Problem was, I'm still trying to recover from the New Years Eve, Christmas, Boxing Day and night before New Years Eve parties that John had also set up. Why do I always let that man have his way. It's not my fault, I swear it's not. He trapped me, I can still remember the conversation.

'Elizabeth, I have a serious question.'

'Yes Colonel?'

'What do you want for Christmas?'

'Christmas?'

'Yeah, Christmas. I know resources are limited, but I could get you ... let me see. A bottle of moonshine?'

'No thanks, already got plen - I mean, I don't drink.'

'Oh, I see. Erm, how about another Jar, you know, like the one I gave you for your birthday.'

'Thanks but no thanks. I like that Jar, don't want to take all it's attention away with another Jar.'

'Are you sure? Hercluror has like six of the things.'

I paused. 'Who the hell is Hercluror?'

'You know Hercluror. Big Athosian guy, great stick fighter, he knows all the good moves. He does this one thing that's really cool, he lifts the stick above his head, twirls it around, then brings it down and BAM!'

'John ... John. I don't want another Jar.'

'Sure you do. I mean, you can never have too many.'

I sighed impatiently. 'What do YOU want for christmas?'

'M-me? Oh, I have everything I want. Oh, and before I forget. You are still cool about the whole party chain we talked about right?'

'What party chain?'

'You know, the Christmas, Boxing Day, Day before New Years Eve, New Years Eve and New Years Day parties. The party chain.'

'John, I don't remember ever agreeing to th-'

'It's going to be so great. You know, Teyla and the other Athosians are really excited about the whole thing. We're going to have it here in the gate room and the halls and stuff, plenty of room and -'

'John, I don't remember agreeing to th-'

'And there going to make like this traditional Athosian banquet. I hear they make a preety good turkey sandwich, only I don't know where they get the turkey from as -'

'John, no party's. There's work to be done.'

'You can do your work after. Come on, it'll be great. All our old Athosian buddies will be there. You can show of your new jar.'

Now I have two jars which I do absolutly nothing with, a massive hangover and one more to look forward to. You know, I'm starting to wonder whether I'll ever recover from all this moonshine. Pure alcohol, many days in a row, can't be any good for you. Why do I let that man have his way all the time.

**2:45 p.m.** Disaster, absolute disaster. My only comfort is that it's all over. No more stupid party chain. And this year, I'll be smarter and wiser and tell John to FUCK OFF! Stupid man.

I tried locking myself away in my office, I could sort of drown out the noise of many partying people. Then the Athosians arrived and it got louder and louder. I couldn't ignore them all and I DID make a New Years Resolution to have more fun and to spend time with Simon and he was at the party after all. Betrayer. So I headed off way to late, everyone was already signing versus of 'For He's a Jolly Good Fellow' and 'It's A Small World After All'.

Rodney spotted me first. He came over smelling strongly of moonshine and couldn't stop thanking me for allowing the party to go ahead. I wanted to punch him, really did.

'How come yous are being here so late?' he slurred.

'Errr, I got lost.'

'Ohhhh, SHE GOT LOST EVERYBODY!' he screamed to the whole of Atlantis, I quickly disappeared into a dark near-by corner.

Next thing people are shoving drinks into my hand, yelling 'Happy New Year' and patting me on the back. Someone patted me on the butt too. When I find out who they were, they'll be banned of all gate travel. Oh, screw that, they'll be locked up in the same cage as the Wraith.

The party only got worse from there. As the drunks began to drop into their depression stage, the talk turned to their families; wives and children. That's when I started to get real depressed, so I went and hunted down Simon, just to remind myself that I did have a potential husband and I wasn't a complete loner.

Big mistake. I found him alright, but I wish I hadn't. I don't know, maybe the alcohol was clouding my mind, but he had make-up on his shirt colar and I hadn't seen him at all before that. So angry ... OKay, so maybe it was nothing. I mean he was extremely affectionate after I glared at him, why the hell do we have to be confined to different quatres. I'm the boss, I should be able to change that stupid rule.

I spent the rest of the night moving from group to drunken group. The Athosians went absolutly wild by midnight. And then I saw John, bloody John Sheppard, standing in one of the dark corners making out with some skinny little nurse who was probably half his age. Hated him, wanted to kill him. Still do, die John, die!

**3 p.m.** DIE SKANKY LITTLE NURSE! DIE JOHN!

**Tuesday, 3rd January**

_57 kg (what happened? WHY? WHY?), 1 glass of moonshine (pats back, so proud), 0 cigarettes (GREAT!), 2879 calories._

**6 a.m. **Finally everything is going to go back to the way it should be. No more parties, no more drinking, no more anything. It's all over, time to go back to work. I can stare at Simon all day long whilst he works on his computer and says smart things ... so happy. Who was he with New Years Day - AHHHHHH! Must not become obsessed over this ... will check todays scedual instead.

1. Listen to Rodney's new invention.

Shit! I need a drink.

**10 p.m. **Stupid Rodney kept me there the whole day. Why must he make me listen to his ramblings. Does it make him happy to see me in such pain. I can still hear his voice in my head.

But on the up side, got to stare at Simon all day. Why didn't he stare at me?

**Late Night. Atlantis: My quatres. **WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? Am I not worth looking at? I think I'll wear my little black skirt tomorrow.

**Friday, 6th January**

_56 kg (slowly coming back down), 2 glasses of moonshine, 3 cigarettes, 200 calories (site of John put me off my food)._

**3 p.m. Atlantis: My Office. **Simon had to go off-world today. He and a team of scientists had to check a seemingly abandoned planet for any life signs and make sure the atmosphere is breathable. At least he said good bye, I'm happy about that. When am I going to get to go off-world again? I'm the diplomat. I'm the smart one. They just don't want to be showed up by a girl.

**6 p.m. Atlantis: Gym. **So angry. Just caught John talking to that nurse from the party the other night. Why is he still talking with her. He was drunk, he didn't know what he was doing. Dosn't mean he has to have regular chats with her in my hall way. Bastard. Thought it was a good time for my first stick fighting lesson with Teyla. I just pictured Teyla as John and swung real hard. Still ended up on my arse though. I'm no good at this, think I'll go to bed.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My quatres. **I miss Simon.

**Monday, 9th January**

_54 kg (am on top of the world), 0 glasses of moonshine (cause I'm on top of the world), 0 cigarettes, 1986 calories (Simon made me eat)._

**7 a.m. **Woke up later then usual today. Since we made conection with earth, Sunday had been made a day off. But naturally I had work to do. Simon must have missed me (he came back Saturday night) because he made a big effort to have breakfast with me. And not in the mess hall, we stowed food away and retreated to his quatres. So nice. I love him, so happy he's here with me. Wish I could stay and skip Colonel Caldwell's meeting.

**11 a.m. Atlantis: Briefing Room. **So sleepy. Have never been so bored. I hope Caldwell dosn't expect me to contribute anything, I don't even know what he's talking about. Will just stare at lap top screen. Dex seems captivated with his, I wander if he's playing Solitare. Now that's an idea.

**11:30 a.m. Atlantis: Briefing Room (still). **John just sent me a message. Wonder if I can look at it without Caldwell noticing. What am I seven? Who the hell cares if he see's what I'm doing, he's a boring old man and I'm also in charge around here. I bet the president likes me better anyway.

**Message Weir**

**You appear to be falling asleep. As I think is made**

**perfectly clear in your contract of employment, **

**important people, such as yourself, are supposed**

**to be fully aware of the city's situation. Meaning you**

**should not be sleeping during this meeting.**

**Sheppard**

He is so right, but I don't see him paying attention either. I probably would have thought this message was funny had I not been so angry with him and his little nurse friend.

**Message Sheppard**

**Colonel, am appaled at message. Whilst I can be **

**described as a little on the sleepy side it is merely**

**from exhaustion due to work. Something which I am**

**not sure you fully understand or appreciate.**

**Weir**

Get him right where it hurts. He wont be happy with that one. Weird how much more alive the meeting seemed to be now. I even chansed a glace at Caldwell, just to make sure he was still droning on. He had graphs out now, idiot.

Oh, another message.

**Message Weir**

**I want you so bad.**

**Unknown**

What? After that I found myself hiding behind my lap top whilst scanning the room secretly looking for freaky message stalker person. The room was full of people, so many lap tops. Best not to know I think.

**12 p.m. Atlantis: Briefing Room (shoot me now). **SOOOO bored. I want this to end. Why wont it end? John hasn't written back. Am beginning to think that message may have been a little harsh and that I have put him in a state of deep depression now. Oh well, serves him right. Still searching for freaky message sender. Rodney seems to be faced in my direction, could it be ... nope, fast asleep hmmm. Oh, message.

**Message Weir**

**If looking around the room like that is an attept to demonstrate**

**that you are in fact awake then you have failed miserably.**

**You are obviously bored out of your brains. **

**Sheppard**

Just about to send something incredibly witty and mean back when Caldwell turned around to look at me.

'Is there anything you wanted to add Dr. Weir?'

I just starred at him with my mouth gapping open and my finger hovering over the key pad of my laptop. My brain was blank. John sniggered from the other side of the table.

**Message Weir**

**You are so screwed!**

**Sheppard**

**Late Night. Atlantis: Simon's quatres. **Just got word that Simon has to go back to evil planet again tomorrow. He seemed very affectionate. Think I might stay the night here.

**Friday, 13th January**

_52 kg (too much work to eat), 0 glasses of moonshine (too much work to drink), 12 cigarettes (kills hunger), 23 cups of coffee, 289 calories._

**Late Night. Atlantis: One of the Labs. **Visiting Rodney yet again to see if he's made any progress on strange substance that Simon found from planet. Am so proud of Simon, he discovered it, he's so brave and smart. Wonder what this thing does.

**Even Later Still. Atlantis: One of the labs. **Should really get some sleep, but Rodney keeps bothering me with now found information. At least he keeps pouring me coffee. Smart man. Ewww, strange substance just turned green when touched. Weird, maybe that wasn't such a good idea.

**Tuesday, 17th January**

_50 kg (work), 2 glasses of moonshine (stress, would have had more but no time), 15 cigarettes (stressed, hungry), 30 cups of coffee (wow), 134 calories._

**Early morning. Atlantis: My Office. **I could kiss Rodney. He's a genius. After all the other scientists drove me insane with their random chatter about how they could never figure out what the substance was, Rodney figured it out. Turns out it's a very powerful and potentially harmful drug. Lucky they didn't try the taste test on it. Rodney's a genius. Now I can go get something to eat and visit poor, neglected Simon. So happy, think i'll give him a hug. Okay, just a friendly pat on the shoulder will do. Good Rodney.

**Late Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. **I could kill Rodney. I want to strangle him and lock him up in that Wraith cage where he can't escape or bother me ever again. How could he loose it? He was supposed to keep it safe and secure, those were my exact orders. Moron, I am so angry. Now I have to leave my half eaten turkey sandwich and join him on this rediculous search. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Where's John, he's gotta find this thing.

**Late night. Atlantis: My Office. **I'm going to cry, I just want to sit here and cry. I'm tired, hungry, thirsty and down right pissed off. Drug hasn't turned up. Potentially harmful and strong, damaging drug on the loose in a very large and populated city. When I found out who took it, I'll kill them.

**Saturday, 21st January**

**11 a.m. **Am going to kill Bates. Stupid man thinks that the drug wasn't taken from the Labs at all. Which means someone left it lying around, which means I'm going to have to kill someone else. Stupid people. Stupid Atlantis ... need coffee, no, need moonshine. Dam it, I'm all out. NOOOOOOO!

**Late Night. Atlantis: My quatres. **Am siting on bed, hyperventilating. I like it here better. Had a little episode. What can I say, I was provoked. Kavenaugh kept yelling explanations at me, I yelled back, finally he pissed me off so much I punched him. Felt good at the time, so good. Now I just feel like crap. Why did I hit him? Why wont someone confess to taking the drug and be done with it.

Must sleep ... but can't. Must stay awake, in case culpret comes back ... ahhhhhh!

**Monday, 23rd January**

_50 kg (forced to eat food), 0 moonshine (still fresh out, I hate the world), 23 cigarettes (need to survive), 70 cups of coffee (feels like it anyways), 700 calories, Positive thoughts 0, negative thoughts 8934._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: My Office. **Simon came in to get me this morning. He didn't say much to me, just dragged me out of bed and took me to the mess room to get food. Couldn't swallow, am suspicious of everyone. Want to kill them all. Must get more moonshine from the Athosians, Halling was visiting last week, maybe I can get him to visit again and bring moonshine. Need drink. Why is it that noone else seems as exhausted as me, is noone else as concerned about this whole situation as I am.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My quatres. **Am obsessing way too much. Simon sat me down and told me to calm down. I love him, I love having him here. Sighted John, he looks like a wreck, least I know someone else is working. Makes me feel bad about the comment I gave him through lap top messages regarding the fact he didn't work. He's only trying to help, so was Kavenaugh and I punched him. Now am ridden with guilt on top of everything else.

**Friday, 27th January**

_52 kg, 1 bottle of moonshine, 10 cigarettes (had moonshine, didn't need so many), 12 cups of coffee, 1356 calories, Positive thoughts 8 (all were forced upon me), negative thoughts 0 (I was forced to say that)._

**11 a.m. Atlantis: My Office: **Promised Simon would have happy thoughts. So am being relaxed and calm ... there was at least one good thing about the morning. Halling came to visit, bringing my secret bottles of moonshine I begged him to. Such a good fellow, I should really get the recipe for this drink. But then I'd have to make it, don't have time. Taste, so good.

**Late Afternoon. Atlantis: Labs.** Scientists have given up on finding drug. Probably better that way. Took deep breath and let them continue with more important things. Must talk to John though, sighted him again, he looks worse then me. Maybe I was too hard on him, I should tell him I'm cancelling the search. I need more moonshine.

**Sunday, 29th January**

**Early Moring. Atlantis: My quatres. **I feel GREAT! Never felt better. Man that moonshine really made me feel great. Really tops. I had these cute, fuzzy purple animals wake me up this morning. Did I even sleep? I can't remember, hehehehehe, oh well. Maybe I should have some breakfast. Hahahaha, I fell over ... wait, I know I can find my feet. Where's that moonshine ran off to?

**11 a.m. Atlantis: Mess Room.** I am sooooooo hungry. This is so weird. Hey, I think my foods moving, what are they putting in this stuff now-a-days. Here comes Simon. I think it'll be funnier if I hide from him. There's John, looking veryyyyyyyy nice. I'll go see if he's gonna go hide to.

**12 p.m. Atlantis: Carsons Office. **John's hiding me in Carson's office. Good spot. He's so smart and clever and cool and hot and hey, there's Rodney, where's he off to. Might follow him, man he's looking mighty fine in those tight leather pants. Funny looking leather. Woah! Carson just grabbed me, man he's strong. How do I get away ... really need some more moonshine. Hey, he let go ... now to find Rodney.

**2 p.m. Atlantis: Rodney's quatres. **So this is where Rodney hangs ey? Nice place, think I'll stay. Hey, there's Rodney. He looks so innocently confused. Hmmm, think I'll give him that kiss I thought I would before. Hey, the floors moving, this is so cool.

**4 p.m. Lost.** Found the moonshine, don't know where I am. This place is getting bigger and bigger. Wow, this room is cool, it's red. I like red. Woah, floors not entirely stable in here. Might just lean against this wall right here ... Aargh! The wall moved on me, hehehehehehe I found the floor though ... nice and cool, it's spinning though ... I'm going to fall to the roof. AHHHHHHHHH!

**Monday, 30th January**

_50 kg, 0 moonshine (is poison), 0 cigarettes (too many people watching), 1245 calories (forced into me)._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: Infirmary. **Head hurts, lungs hurt, throat hurts, legs hurt, arms hurt ... confused, sleepy, hungry, tired, aching ... what happened to me?

**Late Afternoon. Atlantis: Infirmary.** Carson is miracle worker. I am feeling a little bit better. So embarrased, so confused. I keep remembering things, flashes, what was wrong with me. Drunk people don't go that crazy. Oh my gosh! I KISSED RODNEY! What is Simon going to say?

**Late Night. Atlantis: Simons quatres. **Carson finally let me leave. John seemed very quiet, I don't know why. At least we found out where the strange drug was. Rodney (stupid, stupid man!) left it lying around, when Halling was visiting he took it back to the main land and it got mixed up with the ingredients for moonshine. And then I got that moonshine and started acting loopy. Have one bottle left, should tip it down the sink, somethings telling me I should, but Rodney thinks he can still test the drug in the bottle.

Simon's taking such good care of me. I like this. He seems very quiet as well though. Men, I tell you, I will never understand them.

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AN: OMG! That was so much fun to write, you have no idea. Lol, now I have to read over to make sure spellings okay. I really really, REALLY wanna know what you think so far, so please review and tell me. That was long, that was good. I need to write more. So addictive.


	3. February: Valentines Day Masacure

Note: I'm back again. Supposed to be washing my car, but I'm way to lazy. So I'll just write some more instead. This story is so much fun to write, such a release. Elizabeth's fun like this, lol. Oh and I don't really know what Simon does, so for the sake of this story he is fixit man, he does a little from column A, a little from column B. Hes a scientist, a diplomat, a sex god, all in one. Lol, use your imagination.

Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate Atlantis or the novel "Bridget Jones's Diary" by Helen Fielding.

Warning: Low level swearing used and some adult scenes.

**Elizabeth Weir's Diary!**

**February: Valentine's Day Massacre!**

**Thursday, 2nd February**

_52 kg (better, am slowly recovering), 0 moonshine (keeping away from the stuff), 6 cigarettes (stress from not drinkng moonshine), 1456 calories._

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. **So much paper work to do. So much for New Years Resolution of work less. I did go train with Teyla earlier this morning though. Then John turned up and I left quickly, I didn't want him to see me stick fighting. He might think that something is up. Besides, I don't want to ruin his quality time with Teyla. Rodney's coming ... AH! Must hide. Haven't spoken to him since incident. Am so scared, can't believe I kissed him.

**4 p.m. Atlantis: Balcony. **Needed air to think. Seems like everyone hates me at the moment. Avoided Rodney through whole of drug briefing, John seems very bitter towards me and I don't know why. Then there's Simon who is silently watching over me but who hasn't smiled or laughed or REALLY spoken to me since the whole drug incident.

**4:15 p.m. **OMG! Does he know about Rodney? Surely he wouldn't hold that against me. I wasn't in control.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quatres. **WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?

**Saturday, 4th February**

_52 kg, 1 glass of moonshine (slowly getting back on to the stuff), 10 cigarettes (depression cause am not loved), 298 calories (can't eat because people who hate me are in mess room)._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: Simons Quatres. **Came here looking for Simon. He seems to have disappeared. Where has he gone? Why has he left me? Why is life so cruel?

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. **Still no Simon, would ask someone where he's gone, but don't want to talk to them if they wont talk to me first. Starting to think maybe I should talk to Rodney. Clear the air. Can't believe I'm going to say this, but I miss him bugging me all day.

**11 p.m. **Carson is only friend. He cares about me, he asked me how I was and I felt like yelling all my troubles at him.

'Bloody crap. Simon hates me, Rodney's scared of me, Simon's gone missing and John ... well I don't even know what the hell's wrong with him.'

But I decided to just leave it and tell him that I was fine. Then he gave me a check-up and told me that I was clean. The drug had completely left my system and that I didn't seem to be craving it or anything. Didn't even think about that. Last thing I would need at this point is to be addicted to something else. Then Carson said weird thing.

'Good thing Colonel Sheppard found you. Otherwise who knows how long you would have been out in that room.'

**Midnight. Atlantis: My Quatres. **So John rescued me from drug-overdose state. Hmmm. Is that why he's not speaking to me? Does he think I'm some sort of junky? Why is everything my fault.

I can't believe he was concerned enough for me to follow me and then come to my rescue. Am touched.

I definitely need to speak to Rodney tomorrow.

**Sunday, 5th February**

_51 kg (couldn't eat, practicing what to say to Rodney), 3 glasses of moonshine (make me more confident), 32 cigarettes (something's wrong with me, seriously), 768 calories._

**10 a.m. Atlantis: Caldwells Office. **Caldwell called me in to discuss some new mission. Some planet needing help form the Wraith. Will be the first gate travel in a while. Will send John, he seems like he needs to get away for a bit. Still no sign of Simon ... should really be listening to Caldwell, could be important. Damn, now he has the graphs out again ... Is that a dirty magazine in his drawer?

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quatres. **Well I spoke to Rodney. Wasn't quite sure how to approuch the whole situation, so I was just straight with him.

'WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM RODNEY? I was drugged, I didn't know what I was doing. I'm sorry I kissed you OKAY!'

Really shouldn't have done that in front of whole room of scientists. A lot of jaws dropped after that. Can be so stupid sometimes. Rodney seemed to get the message though, he actually came and spoke to me like he used to after that. Am happy. Now to start looking for Simon again.

**Tuesday, 7th February**

_53 kg (food good), 2 glasses of moonshine, 2 cigarettes (very good), 1056 calories, no. of times wanted to hit Rodney with a stick: 899 (very good concidering), no. of times wanted to hit John with a stick: 8765 (very good concidering)._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: Labs. **Someone please remind me why I wanted Rodney speaking to me again! He woke me up at 4 a.m, on day off, to tell me that one of the lab computers exploded. What am I supposed to do about it? I don't repair things. Out of my hands now anyway.

**8 a.m. **Rodney has another new invention. He interupted my breakfast to tell me this. Wheres my gun? I'm going to kill him. Damn, don't have a gun.

**9 a.m. **Should really look into getting a gun.

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Quatres. **Am here sulking. Saw John headed for balcony, thought I'd follow. Have one of our little talks, see what's bothering him. But when I got there he was laughing away happily with little nurse hussy. How could he? On MY balcony. Hate him, want to kill him.

**1 p.m. **My new rule. No one goes onto my balcony but me. The nurve of that messy haired creep.

**2 p.m. **I miss Simon. Maybe he ran away because I've been neglecting him. I mean I know we haven't exactally been touchy feely with one another lately, but I mean, where not exactally at home anymore. We're on Atlantis, who knows how many ancient ghosts are watching us.

**2:15 p.m. **Scary thought. They could be watching me right now.

**2:30 p.m. **I really need to find something to do.

**Late Night. Atlantis: Labs. **I am going to shoot Rodney. His new invention blew up the lab. What an idiot. Now there's a whole big mess to clean up. He's just lucky he's going off-world soon or I would have thrown him in the ocean.

**Midnight. **Why don't I have a gun?

**Thursday, 9th February**

_53 kg, 2 glasses of moonshine, 3 cigarettes (so proud of myself I had a drink, hence moonshine glasses), 2376 calories (realised was very hungry), no. of times got my arse kicked by Teyla: 12._

**9 a.m. Atlantis: Gym. **Annoyed at fact that I didn't have a gun, so instead I went to gym and stick fighted with Teyla. I think I'm getting better. Ronan's laughter wasn't as loud as usual. He'll get what's coming to him anyway. Just as soon as I can beat Teyla. Not long now. John came into gym so I left. Not talking to him. Keep seeing hussy nurse giggling around him. Haven't talked to him since Infirmary anyway, he'll get over it.

**Afternoon. Atlantis: Simons Quatres. **He came back. Stupid moron was on the main-land doing something important. I was planning on being angry with him for not telling me where he went, but he was so affectionate I just couldn't. I think he missed me too, so nice to be missed.

**Saturday, 11th February**

**Early Morning. Atlantis: Briefing Room. **So nice to have Simon to stare at again. He's so sexy when sleeping during briefings. Pity it's my briefing he's sleeping through. I guess I can forgive him.

**Sunday, 12th February**

_52 kg (stick fighting with Teyla is paying off), 0 moonshine (had other things to do wink, wink, nudge, nudge), 0 cigarettes, 867 calories (didn't need to eat, found other things to do cough)._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: Labs. **Really should be listening to Rodney and Zelenka babble on, but am too fixated with Simon. It's amazing how going away for a short period of time can make you realise just how much you missed seeing their sexy backside ... Huh? Oh know, I did it again ...

'E-Elizabeth? What do you think?'

CRAP! Really should pay more attention.

**1 p.m. Atlantis: My Quatres. **Awkward moment just occured. Don't know what came over us. I stepped into transporter, Simon followed. Alone in this tiny little space, him looking so darn attractive, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Next moment someone enters and we quickly pull apart as if nothing had ever happened. It was John, looking very stunned and confused. He averted my eyes as he awkwardly nodded a small greeting.

**1:30 p.m. **Why do I feel so damn guilty? He's been making out with his little nurse friend in front of everyone, why can't I have a little fun. Never realised how much more exciting forbidden love can be ... hmmm, might spend the night in Simons quatres.

**Late Night. Atlantis: Simons Quatres.** Never realised how much I could miss something so much. Now I know why I was happy Simon was here. Why have we waited so long to sleep together on Atlantis, what's wrong with me. I must be out of my mind. Night's still young though ...

**Monday, 13th February**

_50 kg (weight loss due to sex), 0 moonshine (who needs grog now anyways), 4 cigarettes (mainly after sex habit), 256 calories (no food, just sex)._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: Simons Quatres. **What's wrong with us? We can't keep away from each other. I blame it on the Wraith. The fact that we could all blow up and die any second now draws us closer together and forces us to enjoy every moment as though it's our last. OKay, not really, we're just sick. Very sick, we've caught some rare sex disease that can not be cured. So tired, I'm never going to be able to stay awake in Caldwells briefing.

**11 a.m. Atlantis: Briefing Room. **So very, very, VERY exhausted. Want to sleep ... need to sleep ... eyelids, getting heavy. Maybe if I just close my eyes for a few minutes ... message on lap top, wonder who from.

** Message Weir**

** Late night last night?**

**Sheppard**

Damn him. Made me cranky that he didn't even look at me. Just sat there pretending to listen to Caldwells little speach. What was his problem lately anyway?

** Message Sheppard**

** It's really none of your buisness, please don't message**

** me again, I am trying to listen to Caldwell's very **

** important briefing. It involves you and your team you**

** know, you should be listening.**

** Weir**

That ought to get him. Hmmm, not even so much as a smurk as he read it. Maybe I should appologise, was that to harsh? Oh screw him, he's a big boy, he'll get over it.

**11:30 a.m. Atlantis: Briefing Room (sigh). **John still hasn't messaged back. Bastard. Hmph! I'll just go back to sleeping instead. Oh, message.

** Message Weir**

** Something's wrong with you. Your falling asleep**

** I didn't realise paper work could make you so **

** PHYSICALLY exhausted.**

** Sheppard**

OMG! Recieved puzzled looks from around the room after that because I fell into a rather long coughing fit. I composed myself quickly though, it's what I do. Now he was smirking, but in a rather sarcastic way. What was his problem anyway? Fine, I'll just fight fire with fire ... no, I wont. I'm strong, I'm cool, I'm calm, I can handle this. I'll just ignore him.

**12 p.m. Atlantis: Briefing Room (why wont it end?). **OKay, OKay ... I'll just send him a small message, just to show him that two can play at his evil little game.

** Message Sheppard**

** Had a lot of CHECK-UPS lately have you?**

** Weir**

Take that John. Yes, that's right, I know all about you and your little nurse friend. Another Message.

** Message Weir**

** Yes actually I have. You have no idea how **

** many. I've never enjoyed being sick, this much.**

** Sheppard**

Again, weird looks as broke into another coughing fit. This time I didn't bother stopping it. I simply grabbed my lap top excused myself and left the briefing.

**1 p.m. **They're all still in the briefing. I didn't bother going back. John made me angry, am going to ban him from gate travel ... no, then I have to send Bates instead and that man is so annoying to listen to in briefings. Talk about up himself. Oh, message on lap top ... if it's from John I'll trash his quatres right now.

** Message Weir**

** I know where you sleep.**

** Unknown**

Ack ... I need a hug.

**Tuesday, 14th February**

_51 kg, 5 glasses of moonshine (Valentines Day party, I'm allowed), 12 cigarettes (Valentines Day, I'm allowed), 3567 calories (eating for eatings sake), no. of times wish I had a gun so as to shoot John: 245._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: Halls. **Am so pissed off right now. A Valentines Day party, no doubt John's bloody idea. Only Rodney was the one to ask. Gutless man, making others do it for him. I said no, out of the question, definitely not. Then Halling and Teyla ran up to me with Valentines cards.

'What are these for?' I asked puzzled.

'Colonel Sheppard said cards are given to the people that we care about on this traditional day of yours.'

After Teyla said that her and Halling gave me cards from them and other Athosians. They wern't exactally right, I mean, they wern't your traditional Valentines cards, but they said they cared about me. I'm so going to regret this, but I'll let the party go ahead.

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. **It's supposed to be Valentines day and I haven't seen Simon at all yet, what is he playing at. He's supposed to be my boy friend, boy friends are supposed to give you things on Valentines Day.

**2 p.m. **So many valentine cards, am so happy I am loved. Not by Simon though obviously as he still hasn't turned up. One more card to open.

** To Liz,**

** Be my Valentine you sexy Minx. **

** I want you to be mine.**

** Marry Me.**

** Love from, Unknown.**

Am scared again. Thinking of burning the card. Maybe I can get it finger printed. Hmmm, now that's a thought.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quatres. **I knew the whole party thing was a bad idea. Most horrible night ever. Simon showed up, at last. Couldn't yell at him for leaving me alone all day as he had rather nice bouquet of exotic plants from some random planet. He's so smart and clever and picks such nice flowers. But, musn't let happy Simon thoughts destract me from anger and frustration.

Drunken people trashed Atlantis, the place is going to be such a mess. Alright for John, Teyla, Rodney and Dex, they all get to go off-world tomorrow. And speaking of John, that bastard. I needed air so headed for my balcony - and he was there, with his nurse friend. They were all over each other, it was horrible. I can never go to that balcony again.

**Even later night. **I want to kill John Sheppard. Few more lessons with Teyla and I'll be able to kick his arse from here to the main land. Bastard.

**Wednesday, 15th February**

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. **Teyla, Rodney, Dex and that other loser have gone off-world. I should have gone. I want to go off-world. I need a break. Why does everyone else get to escape from Atlantis every now and then whilst I have to stay couped up here in my office. Ran into Sheppards little nurse friend whilst visiting Carson this morning. She smiled at me, how dare she. Oh and her name is Mindy ... MINDY! What sort of a name is that? Had to resist the temptation to trip her over.

**Late Night. Atlantis: Simons Quatres. **Am depressed and angry, so slept with Simon. It helps. Think I'll stay here a while. Evil, evil, evil Mindy.

**Sunday, 19th February**

_50kg, 0 moonshine (can't drink), 0 cigarettes (can't smoke), 0 calories (can't eat)._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: Gate Room. **They're late, there very late. Why do they always do this to me? They should know by now that it's not funny to do this to me. Haven't heard from John, haven't heard from Rodney, they were supposed to be back yesterday morning. They're not! WHERE ARE THEY?

**Afternoon. Atlantis: Gate Room. **Still not back yet, still no message. Everyone else is getting edgy now to. Caldwell keeps asking if I've heard from them yet. If he asks me one more time I'm going to throw burning hot coffee at him.

**Late Night. Atlantis: Gate Room. **Can't sleep ... they might try to contact us and everyones asleep, must stay awake.

**Monday, 20th February**

_50kg, 0 moonshine, 0 cigarettes, 5 calories (apple ... food ... need)._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: Gate Room. **Still here ... haven't left ... can't ... so scared. John tried to contact us. His voice came over the radio.

'Wraith ... attacking ... gate ... can't get through ... need ... another way ...'

AHHHHH! Why did he have to contact me, now I'm worried even more. Feel a lot better if he just didn't tell me. I wish Rodney was here.

**Late Night. Atlantis: Gate Room. **Zelenka is working hard on a solution, but so far he has come up with nothing. So tired, so stressed, so hungry but can't eat.

**Tuesday, 21st February**

_49kg (ahhhh), 4 moonshine, 0 cigarettes, 67 cups of coffee, 189 calories._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: Gate Room. **Still awake, no sleep. Zelenka figured out solution ... beautiful, beautiful man. Dialing device on Jumper was broken so another team needed to be sent. I was too hasty, now I've sent Bates to his death as well, I'm sure of it. I'm killing off all the men in Atlantis. Soon it's just going to be me and Mindy left to defend the whole city. I need another coffee.

**Late Night. Atlantis: Infirmary. **Hyperventilating again. They made it through, all of them. But Sheppards DEAD! Well, OKay, not really, am over exagerating, but he might as well be. He's lying in a bed, not moving, machines all around him. What have I done? I've killed him. I was so angry after him destroying my sacred balcony that my evil death wishes for him came true. I'm a witch, an evil, evil witch. I need a drink.

**Wednesday, 22nd February**

**10 a.m. **Nearly hit Kavenaugh again. Should have, would have felt better. John's condition still hasn't changed. Found Mindy by his bedside today crying. Nearly hit Mindy. Should have, would have felt better.

**1 p.m. Atlantis: My Quatres. **Carson told me I needed rest. Usually I don't listen to him ... but I had to, he made me. Damn him and his scottish authority. Now I'm sitting in my quaters feeling even worse then I did in the infirmary. I take it all back, I don't want John to die. And they got it all wrong anyway, I was the one that was supposed to be doing the killing, not the Wriath. Must be strong ...

**1:15 p.m. **Screw being strong. I'm just going to cry ... makes me feel better. Ahhh, knock on the door. I'm supposed to be resting damn it, doctors orders. It's Rodney, can't let him see me crying.

**Saturday, 25th February**

_52 kg (recovering), 0 moonshine, 0 cigarettes, 8 cups of coffee, 2678 calories, no. of times walked half way to infirmary then changed my mind and turned around: 47._

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quatres. **John's been awake and sitting up for at least a day now. Still haven't been to see him. Feel quilty, is my fault. Will get emotional and don't want people to think I'm weak. I'll just keep asking Carson for a report each time I pass him in the halls.

**Monday, 27th February**

_51 kg (from walking half way to infirmary and back all day), 2 moonshine, 14 cigarettes, 15 cups of coffee, 1786 calories, no. of times walked half way to infirmary then changed my mind and turned around: 78._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: Simons Quatres. **Simon made me go sit with him. He's quiet ... a little too quiet. He knows I wanted John dead, he's on to me. I need sleep, I'm becoming paranoid. Maybe if I go and see John.

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Quatres. **I was at the infirmary door, I was going to see him. He looks a lot better now. Not all sick and bloody and pale like when he first came back. But then I took one look at him, stitches on his forehead, and got all emotional again. What's wrong with me, I've seen him in the infirmary before ... but not like that. Really thought he was going to die. Chickened out and found myself back here.

**3 p.m. **Tried again, but he was sharing a joke with a still semi-teary Mindy. She's just putting it on. I didn't want to interupt, so I retreated back to my quatres again. He can come out soon anyway. I'll see how he is then.

**Late Night. Atlantis: Outside Infirmary. **OKay, I will go see him. He's sleeping though, don't want to interupt ... i'll just let him rest.

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AN: That's it for February. So much fun, so much excitement. Poor John, poor Weir, poor Mindy. Oh heck, who cares about her. Lol. Thanks to all who reviewed, they made me smile, I like hearing what you guys think. Thank you so much. Next up is March (horror music plays).


	4. March: Severe Birthday Panic

Note: I read all of your reviews before going to work this morning. Was so happy, I hugged the screen, I love you all. So nice. I'm angry tonight and work was just ... well, work. So I'm writing the next chapter, because it makes me feel happier to write sbout someone else's tragic life. Lol, so I think it's going to be an all-nighter. Just to make sure you don't have to wait to long for the next chapter. And I wasn't too sure when Weir's birthday was, so I just stuck it on in March, never a dull moment and her age, made it up!

**Snow'sLuckyCat:** Lol, I continued, just for you! My first reviewer sniffs am so touched. And I'm glad you saw her as Bridget Jones'ish. I saw the book and thought, hold up! OMG! A girl, all alone on atlantis with people like Sheppard and McKay and all sorts. This could be fun. Hope your still reading and still enjoying.

**Woodentree: **Excellent, laughter is what it's all about. Crazy stares just make the laughter more rewarding.

**BeachchickJASSNL: **Thank's for the review. Read more, chapter 1 was just an intro.

**theminority: **Lol, more laughter. You guys are great, you know just what this story is for. A good old fashioned chuckle. Your lucky your reading this story then if you like McWeir. I wasn't going to put anymore of their moments in, but I had to. I have to please the readers and it's not so hard. Greetings from Aus to. Woot!

**ashipper: **Look out. It's a shipper! Which one? Hmmm. Really should wash my car. Thankyou for the review! Sparky? Confused me there, lol. Still puzzled.

**Hazeydream: **I'm pleased to see your trying to guess who the secret stalker is. You think it's John ey? Could be ... he does seem rather shifty lately. Ohhhh, I just yelled at my dog in a very impressivly loud and angry voice. He came right to my side. Muhahahaha, the power. I'm also pleased that your a fan and you still think I'm writing it well. Very flattered.

**gatelover313: **Sorry gatelover, the gates not in this story much. I can write one for you though. About a person who fell in love with the stargate but they could never be together because of obvious difficulties. Hmmm, good plan. Thanking you so much for nice review.

**finnstardust: **No more waiting for March. It is up, hurrah! April is already in the making.

**kazechyme: **Am very happy to see I have made you become addicted. Yes, very addictive and it's at the stage where its basically writing itself now, dosn't even need me anymore. Oh well! I thought the same though, it's not really Weir, but it is and it could be and ... weird!

**Sheppardster: **love the username, don't know why, just very funny. HURRAY FOR FUN! And here's March for you ... now, on with the chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate Atlantis or the novel "Bridget Jones's Diary" by Helen Fielding.

Warning: Low level swearing used and some adult scenes.

**Elizabeth Weir's Diary!**

**March: Severe Birthday Panic!**

**Satuday, 4th March**

_56 kg (don't ask. From now on I'm going to stop all of this counting, what's the bloody point. I'm never going to stop drinking, am never going to stop smoking and I'm going to be having a heck of a lot of negative thoughts with my birthday so close)._

**7 a.m. **Just realised my birthday is few days away. What am I going to do? I don't want to be 32. It was hard enough turning 31, now I have to be 32.

**7:15 a.m. **I better not get another damn jar. Already have 2 I do nothing with.

**7:24 a.m. **Still, it is the thought that counts. And John must have been thinking of me when he got me the jar.

**7:32 a.m. **Why do I remind him of a jar?

**7:43 a.m. **Ridden with guilt. Thoughts of John reminded me that he is now out of the infirmary and I haven't seen him once yet. Haven't seen him since he came back from off-world. Which dosn't count as he never saw me see him as he was knocked unconcious by my sub-concious wanting him to die for being with skanky nurse friend, Mindy.

**7:44 a.m. **Honestly. Mindy, what sort of a name is that?

**7:51 a.m. **Really need to find something to do ... can't go out into city, John is there. Must stay in office.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Office. **Ran into John today, literally ran into him. Was so busy trying hard not to run into him which ultimately led to me running into him. Makes sense really as world is out to get me. Very awkward moment.

'Oh, Elizabeth, hey!'

'Hey!'

'So ...?'

'Errr, how are you?'

Stupid question. No, really! What sort of an idiot asks a sick man how he is? Well I guess he's not sick anymore.

'Fine.'

See, not sick anymore. Can stil picture his shifty look. Does he know I sub-conciociously killed him? Well tried anyway because he's still alive. Musn't have strong sub-concious, wonder if Teyla has program to work on that. Athosian equivelent to Tai Chi. Maybe could have helped me take a calmer approuch to awkward moment with John.

'Look I never REALLY wanted you to die!'

I shouted this at the top of my voice, hopefully didn't sound as hystrerical as thought I did. John looked at me oddly after that. Almost as though he was upset or angry or frustrated or confused or something. There was definitely a strange expression on his face. So I left. Yup, good ol' me ran away again.

**Sunday, 6th March**

_Don't care anymore, no point, we're all going to die anyway._

**VERY Early Morning. Atlantis: Control Room. **Was radioed at unearthly hour this morning. Don't these people know I need my beauty sleep. Damn them all. But, I suppose the news did need my attention. Would rather not have known. Why must they tell me these things? Can't I die without knowing it's coming.

**Late Afternoon. Atlantis: Caldwells Office. **Has been confirmed, have seen the satalite pictures. Wraith, everywhere! Not quiet near Atlantis yet, but obvious that they are making direct bee-line for us. What are we going to do? OKay ... will be calm ... relaxed. We will get through this. I'm Elizabeth Weir, I can't die.

**5 p.m. **Oh fuck it! AM GOING TO DIE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!

**5:15 p.m. **Am so not going down without a fight. Those Wraith want to take my life away, they have to earn it. Plus, John thinks it will take them at least a few more weeks to get here. We can destroy them all before then.

**Midnight. Atlantis: My Quatres. **Just realised, if going to die, would rather die now. I would rather be 31 and die then 32. KILL ME NOW! Oh, why is life so cruel.

**Tuesday, 8th March**

_56 kg (am eating away my sorrows), 3 glasses of moonshine (am drinking away my sorrows), 64 cigarettes (am smoking away my sorrows), amount of death scenarios thought up: 652 (very bad), amount of conversations with Simon: 0 (terrible)._

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. **OKay, I want to know what is so wrong with me! Why wont Simon talk to me. He has been avoiding me. First he keeps his distant, then there is lierally no distance between us, we are lierally on top of one another. Next thing, he's ignoring me. What did I do wrong this time?

**2 p.m. **Maybe should see Heightmeyer. Have sudden urge to jump into ocean. Maybe I'm being too forward for Simon, perhaps he's loosing interest.

**2:15 p.m. **He can't loose interest. He is the only person that is going to make me feel better when I die. Knowing that at least I had a boy friend. What if he dumps me before then? He musn't loose interest. If I'm going to go down at 32 then I am not bloody going down alone. From now on, Simon gets the cold shoulder.

**Friday, 11th March**

_Haven't weighed myself, haven't counted drinks, imposible to count cigarettes, no number exists for amount of negitive thoughts had._

**9 a.m. **BASTARD! FUCKING BASTARD!

**9:15 a.m. **Was doing so well ignoring Simon, even shut him down when he was giving me sexy looks. Well it's going to be alot easier to ignore him now as he has GONE! They needed help on the main land, so he said he'd go help. I didn't even hear it from him, had to hear it off Bates when I asked where the hell he had ran off to. How could he not tell me? Why didn't he tell me? I am going to die alone!

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Quatres. **Just shoved John into a wall. Surved him right for getting in my way when I'm trying to walk with an attitude.

**3 p.m. **Feel really bad, after all he's been through. Maybe I should go appologise.

**3:30 p.m. **Bloody Mindy. Could her skirt get any shorter? Why don't the two of them just announce their engagement and get it over with already. I hope the Wraith feed on her first.

**4 p.m. **Hmph! Forget appology, next time I see John I'm going to push him THROUGH the wall. Stupid fly boy!

**Saturday, 12th March**

**2 a.m. **Well, that's it. No more days left. Tomorrow I will be 32. And what do I have to show for it? Stuff all, that's what. I have no boy friend, he's ran off to some other needy people; I have no back-up boy friend, am all along in this big, cruel city; and I have no friends, everyone hates me, there only nice to me because I'm the leader and they must bow down to me.

**2:15 a.m. **OH MY GOSH! A WRINKLE! Why wont the Wraih just suck this cruel life away from me now!

**Early Morning. Atlantis: My Quatres. **You can tell I've really lost the will to live. Teyla came up to me today and asked if they could celebrate my birthday tomorrow in the traditional Athosian fashion, i.e. a big, crazy party with lots of booze (who would have guessed those quiet people were such party animals!). I knew John had put her up to it, but I didn't care.

'Sure, why not!'

Then I walked back into my room and slammed my door shut. Now I have to go to a party tomorrow. Why can't everyone just let me die in peace?

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quatres. **Why didn't John come and ask me himself. What? Is he not talking to me now? Loser!

**Sunday, 13th March**

_57 kg (great, so on top of everything else, I am going to die fat and ugly), 8 bottles of moonshine (could be last party ever remember), 0 cigarettes (killed liver, may as well give lungs a rest), 8965 calories (what was in that Birthday cake?)._

**12 p.m. **Why did I agree to this party, is going to be a disaster, can already tell.

**2 p.m. **I think Mindy is a mind reader. Just walked past her, thinking of ways could make her fall flat on her face and embaras herself. Just as I was contemplating simply sticking my foot out, she stopped, starred, opened her mouth to say something, stopped half way looking worried, closed it again and walked off. WTF? Dumb girl. I'm not even going to think on this one.

**2:45 p.m. **What is her problem anyway?

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Office. **On my way to party now. Don't want to, am scared.

**2 a.m. **Bezt partie EVER! going drinkies wid all da fellas cause iz mi birfday. WOOT! Jon iz srange boi, mindi iz evil.

'I HAT YOUZ JON!'

Huh! that besta shows him. WOOT!

**Monday, 14th March**

**8 a.m. **Was meant to be up an hour ago ready for day of work, slept in. Surprisingly don't have hangover, is miracle, maybe moonshine dosn't leave you feeling hangover.

**8:10 a.m. **I'm dead. I must be ... so much pain ... moving was a bad idea. I think I'll just stay here for today, maybe no one will notice I'm not there.

**8:30 a.m. **The night just came back to me in one horrible flashback ... what have I done? This must be wrong. Somehow someone has tampered with my memories. Must be Ancient, perverted ghosts in city.

**8:35 a.m. **No, is definetly real, I remember now. Why? Why did I do it? What is so darn attractive about Rodney when I'm under the influence of some illegal substance?

**8:45 a.m. **Oh, Rodney is so dead. You think he'd be a nice polite man and say 'No, Elizabeth, I can't kiss you, you're not yourself, you're pissed.' But nooooooooooooooooooo, instead he has to take advantage of me. Bloody Bastard!

**8:51 a.m. **I guess this is Rodney we're talking about here. Suposse I should be grateful we only spent half the night, kissing with our hands all over each other then spent the whole night together doing things we'd REALLY regret.

**9 a.m. **Screw Rodney!

**9:15 a.m. **Makes me wonder though. He must be good kisser for me to keep trying to hunt him down all the time. Can't remember though. Maybe I should try kissing him NOT drunk or drugged.

**9:30 a.m. **No, what am I thinking. Ack! What is Simon going to say?

**9:32 a.m. **Fuck Simon! Prick!

**9:40 a.m. **Just remembered, Caldwell's briefing. He made a note of making sure we would all be there because is very important, regarding Wraith and certain death. Must try to stand ... maybe water will help.

**9:50 a.m. **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Standing ... bad idea ... head, going to explode ... toilet, best friend ... going to be sick again.

**10 a.m. **This is so not good, how can I have this much in my stomache? All that birthday cake, what am I going to do. Can't stand ... can't walk ... stupid briefing ... stupid Wraith ... stupid Simon.

**Afternoon. Atlantis: Breifing Room. **Found solution to problem. Got to breifing room earlier then everyone else so I could take my time and drag myself along without anyone seeing. Sitting is little better. Haven't listened to a word Caldwell has said yet. Table feels cool, but can't rest head, Caldwell will see.

**1:30 p.m. **Stupid Caldwell for keeping me here this long, stupid Rodney for avoiding my eyes, stupid Sheppard for giving me strange looks. Hope he didn't take me saying I hated him seriously. I said hat anyway, not hate, maybe he misunderstood.

**1:32 p.m. **Aw crap! Am going to be sick again. I'm concidering simply running from the room, maybe noone will notice. Really, really shouldn't have drank so much. Will never drink again. SHIT! Must leave room ...

**Late Night. Atlantis: Infirmary. **Well that plan backfired. Made a complete arse of myself. Stood up to leave the briefing room, getting weird looks from everyone as I did so. Then next thing my head explodes, I loose my balance and conciousness and end up here in the infirmary. Only person here is Carson. Nice man, always looks out for me.

**11 a.m. **Carson let me leave. OKay, I really need to get my act together. Head still feels groggy, Carson said should leave with sleep, hope so. Tomorrow I have to find out what the heck Caldwell was blabbing on about.

**Friday, 18th March**

_55 kg (but all muscle as have been training with Teyla), 0 moonshine (am leader of city, cannot afford to drink and cloud my mind), 0 cigarettes (must be good leader), 4 cups of coffee (excellent), 968 calories._

**Early morning. Atlantis: My Office. **After episode in briefing room have been proving to everyone that I am perfectly fine and can still be a good, capable leader. So far so good.

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. **Am so excited. Finally caught up on Caldwell's briefing, I get to go off-world! Apparently there's a planet located near where the Wraith are hovering, planning their attack and our ultimate demise. Teyla thinks they have advanced weaponry that could help destroy them or at least put a damper on their plans for a little while. And, naturally, they need a great diplomat and important person such as myself to go negotiate. Can't afford to screw it up with John's braun, so will use my brains instead.

**2 p.m. **I wonder how Simon's doing on the main land. He's been there long enough, surely his work is done by now. Stupid, why do I care, must forget about that stupid loser and move on.

**2:15 p.m. **Why dosn't Simon love me?

**Tuesday, 22nd March**

_54 kg, 2 moonshine (only due to confusion), 7 cigarettes (only due to confusion), 16 cups of coffee (am hardworking girl now), 86 calories (may have been more, hard to tell when most of my food was thrown at skanky nurse), no. of ways thought up about how to kill mindy: 98 (very good)._

**Afternoon. Atlantis: Labs. **Am very confused. On my way to see Rodney and Zelenka when once again Mindy walked by me.

'Doctor Weir?'

'What?'

'N-nothing.'

Very odd, then again, she is a very dull, boring and stupid girl.I wonder what John see's in her. Probably the fact that she's skinny, young and has perfect body. Damn it, I want to destroy Mindy. Dex likes me, he's big strong man, maybe should ask him to help me.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quatres. **Haha! Will teach Rodney to try and ignore me. Ever since birthday he has been ignoring me. Probably feels guilty for taking advantage of him. So just to break the ice I yelled at him today and threatened to strangle him and feed him to the Wraith. It was justified of course, he blew up the labs again. OKay, so it wasn't him exactally, but it was an experiment he was supposed to be keeping an eye on. Now he's still awake, cleaning filthy labs. At least he wont give me the silent treatment again.

**Thursday, 24th March**

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. **Just came from Caldwell's office, update on new planet information. There on some religious fast thing at the moment so can't gate travel there just yet. Stupid aliens. They act all nice and holy, but they're probably just like the Athosians. Party animals, ack!

Safe to say everything's in order with John now I suppose. He sat next to me during the briefing, agreed with me, disagreed with me, got yelled at for disagreeing with me and then stood very close to me again once was over and I had to listen to Rodney's bable once more. Back to the good old times.

**5 p.m. **Fucking Sheppard and his nurse hussy. How dare he leave my yelling match with Rodney to hang out with her.

**6 p.m. **Am so alone.

**Tuesday, 29th march**

_54 kg, 0 moonshine, 0 cigarettes, 6 cups of coffee, 1456 calories, poisitive thoughts: infinate._

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quatres. **Have decided that next month I make a fresh new start. I am quiting smoking and I am quiting drinking. I am going to be cool and calm at all times. Simon is forgotten, John is ignored and Rodney ... well, Rodney is just Rodney. For now! If he messes up, he is so dead ... cool, calm.

I must go on for the sake of my people and Atlantis.

**2 a.m. **OKay, one last cigarette before I quit.

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AN: Another Month down, woohoo. I know that chapter was a little slower, just had to set up the scene for April. Okay, seeming as though this is the Authors notes, I am going to make a note. Mindy is a very nice name, I have nothing against people called Mindy. These are Elizabeths' thoughts, not my own. Lol. Seriously though ... I have nothing against the name. And what is wrong with me? I'm a ShWeir shipper and so far I've put in more McWeir, ack! Oh well, still plenty of the year left yet. Next chapter, hold on to your hats, because April is going to EXPLODE!


	5. April: Inner Poise

Note: Just finnished washing my car and getting movies. I am so going to be broke. Why must I waist all of my money! But, once again, writing brings me comfort. As you'll notice, the warning on this chapter is very long, lol. Couldn't help myself, this chapter is going to be so much darn fun. Look out! Poor Elizabeth. And so far, surprisingly, I think my brother is my biggest fan. Lol, he's loving this story, if it wasn't for him bugging me to update I would probably have not written past chapter 1. So ta brother.

**Sheppardster: **PREGNAT? Gosh I hope not. That would really ruin everything for John and Elizabeth. Maybe she is! Oh know! I hope their going to get it together too. They are so annoying. Don't change name ... I like it. Must keep name!

**Snow'sLuckyCat: **I like the way you quote what you liked. Gives me an idea of what works. Thanks for that. You're going to hate me, I completly forgot about April Fools day, it wasn't in the book either you see. But it's OKay, I made up for it with plenty more horrid things. Maybe when the un-cut version is written you can see what REALLY happened. Lol! "I almost fell, your lips caught me" ? You have no idea how much I laughed at that, it's so lame and funny and FREAKIN' FUNNY! Lol. How do you know she's not going to quit. Have faith, she will do it.

**Evenstar: **So glad I hooked you. You will never be released. More laughter ... am so happy.

**Rachel Kirk: **Is there going to be any ships? Well so far we have John/Random, Liz/Rodney, Liz/(someone bad from this chapter) and maybe a few more I'll come up with later. Oh, another Sheppard/Weir person ... I dunno, will have to see about that one.

**peanut: **Of couse she's in character, how could you think she's not! Lol, so you like the McWeir? Or prefer ShWeir? So confused. But I'm glad people from both ships are reviewing. I was going to add Sheyla, but so confusing, maybe later on or in the second story (did I say that out loud).

**theminority: **Lol. Nope, am a ShWeirer. Actually, I think I'm more a McShWeir person. The three of them are just so funny all together, it's crazy.

**BeachchickJASSNL: **AHAHAHAHAHA! Woah, settle down, I promise it's all for the sake of good quality entertainment. You don't think there's enough ShWeir already, you musn't be reading it right. Oh wait, it didn't come in untill THIS chapter ... my mistake.

**Weirfan: **I'm so glad you reviewed. Like I said, is really good to see non-shippers reading too. I'm trying to put a little bit of everything in. Who do you ship?

Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate Atlantis or the novel "Bridget Jones's Diary" by Helen Fielding.

**_Warning:_** Use of swearing, adult themes, bad stunts which shouldn't be copyed at home, bad behavior, agression, anger, violence and just over all a whole lot of stuff you shouldn't copy as adopting this life style could indeed affect your health.

**Elizabeth Weir's Diary!**

**April: Inner Poise!**

**Sunday, 2nd April**

_54 kg, 0 moonshine, 0 cigarettes, 1687 calories._

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My quatres. **Am as cool and calm as a cucumber. I am the queen of Inner Poise. I haven't had a drink in 3 days, haven't had a smoke in 3 days, haven't cursed Rodney or wished death upon Mindy or given John more reson to ignore me. Haven't thought about Simon in ages either.

Except then.

And then.

And then.

And then.

Damn, am bad at this.

**3 p.m. **Need a drink, need a cigarette ... calm ... cool (...).

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quatres. **Seriously though, do not need Simon. Am getting along just fine without him. And Wraith will soon be destroyed thanks to my brilliant mind and fantastic comunication skills. I wonder if it's time to go to bed yet? Oh no, it's only 8:30. Inner Poise.

**Monday, 3rd April**

_54 kg, 0 moonshine, 0 cigarettes, happy thoughts: 776, 1564 calories._

** 7 a.m. **Have realised that I suffer from Mondayitis. This must stop if am going to be great leader with strong sub-conciousdespitelack of boy friend and impending death - Inner Poise. I have realised that my old Monday schedual will never do.

** 6 a.m. **Wake up early ready for a day of important work.

** 6:15 a.m. **Kick self for waking up so early.

** 6:30 a.m. **Go back to sleep as no one in their right mind would start work so early.

** 6:45 a.m. **Getting hungry. Force self to get out of bed and freshen up.

** 6:50 - 7:15 a.m. **Stare up at ceiling. Lights ... bright.

** 7:20 a.m. **Open up wardrobe. Stare at 'Galaxy Quest' clothing.

** 7:25 a.m. **Select standard pants. Open up drawer to select favourite red top. Favourite red top not there. Go in quest of favourite red top. Still no sign of top. Have a cigerette to cheer self up.

** 7:30 a.m. **Wash, apply make-up, fix hair, hunt down missing under-wear, curse under-wear theives, find under-wear, appologise to underwear theives for acusing them of something they didn't do. Get dressed.

** 7:52 a.m. **Remember that left favourite red top in Simons room after he took it off me the last time we were together. Retreave top. Have another cigerette because miss Simon.

** 8 a.m. **Realise that probably should have been in office about an hour ago. Have cigarette because am late.

** 8:15 a.m. **Hair wouldn't sit right, had to fix it. Remembered Caldwell's briefing is on this morning. Have another cigerette due to stress.

**8:20 a.m. **Leave room at last.

** 8:22 a.m. **Forgot radio. Very important, go back to room for radio.

** 8:25 a.m. **Can't find radio.

** 8:30 a.m. **Hear Bates' voice come over radio wondering where I am. Found radio.

** 8:35 a.m. **Leave room.

OKay, that schedual is just not going to work for me. Especially now I have new life and am a changed person.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quatres. **Am going off-world tomorrow. Very excited. Get to have people brandishing guns for me. Am so important.

**Wednesday, 5th April**

_Can't weigh myself as am off-world, can't count calories as don't know what am eating, no. of times have played eye spy with self out of bordom: 8675 (very, VERY bad)._

**Unrecognisable time. Off-world: Some hut. **Negotiations went well. I am goddess. I'm so clever and pretty and smart. Only took me a few hours to have them convinced that they needed to help us. Huh! Will remember impressed look on everyone's faces forever and ever. John looked stunned.

**Little while later. **If John looked stunned, that means he never thought I was that good. Which means he doubted me. Which means ... Inner Poise ... must remember to breath.

**After Dark. Off-world: Outside. **Am so happy. Am now watching brilliant light desplay of obliverated Wraith ships. Now ... waiting patiently for John and team to come back. They better be alright this time. Must have patience.

**Thursday, 6th April**

**Probably Early. Off-world: Rather nice looking room. **Everyone's safe, everyone's fine. We really need some of this technology. John did say they only managed to destroy one ship out of 7, but those remainding 6 retreated off to who knows where. And who cares, so long as their off our tails I couldn't care less. Am genius, can see pride in John's eyes as the leader of these people worships me. OKay, so their worshipping him too, I guess he did do a good job.

**Random time. **Have asked us to stay for celebratory party tomorrow. I knew they were just like the Athosians at heart. Must keep distance from Rodney, no matter what happens.

**Very late. Off-world: My hut. **Party wasn't as bad as I thought. No alcohol was to be had, turns out these people have never heard of moonshine. Funny, now I really feel like moonshine.

These people were a lot smarter then originally thought. One particularly stubborn male who was not going to back down on his theories of the StarGate got a mouthful from me. Inner Poise was nearly destroyed, but I was too strong. I kept calm, even though I knew he was wrong and I was right. I was actually surprised I had leant so much about the gate fom Rodney's non-stop scientific talk. Am proud of myself, I actually listened to the man.

The argument got more heated when a few of his buddies showed up and started to agree with him. I was out numbered this time. Then I felt someone brush by me and help me out.

'No, Elizabeth's right. It's pronounced GAY-T. Not GAT.'

As I looked around I saw a dark haired man in jeans and a black button up shirt next to me. It was John! I was so shocked I just sorta stood there starring at him with my mouth opened. He looked at me from the top of his glass, lowered his eyebrows and shrugged as if to say, 'WHAT?'

Somehow I managed to re-compose myself and I went back to trying to help these poor stupid people. John agreeing and nodding with me the whole conversation. Teyla and Dex joined me after that, but as they were both aliens and had no idea about what running water was, they couldn't help much. Was still glad for their support though. Kept finding my eye sight travelling over to John.

Ack, I had to get out of there. Still kicking myself for stupid reason to leave.

'Scuse me, I have to go make out with Rodney.'

Am so stupid, I realise the aliens had no idea what make out meant, as far as I knew neither did Dex or Teyla, but my comment made John snort and spill some of his drink. Wrong thing to say I guess. Oh well, live and learn. I just had to get John off my mind. So I went for a walk, a short one ... very short. Amazing what a pair of jeans and a shirt can do for someone ... it was at that moment I felt a hand lightly wrap itself around my waist.

I turned around so fast I hurt my neck. 'Simon?'

'You left rather quickly. I heard about the good job you did.'

Then the bastard tried to kiss me. After being away for so long without a word, not even wishing me a Happy Birthday, he just comes back and expects me to forgive and forget.

'No you don't. I have found Inner Poise and don't need you anymore.'

I am a cucumber!

'Inner Poise ey? I was watching you at the party. Talking to Colonel Sheppard.'

Hmph. So he watched me from afar and didn't come up and stick up for me. Bastard, who needs him. Pathetic loser. He gave me a really dirty look then. Or maybe it was just me imagining he had. Either way I had to get away. I missed him, really did, I felt like jumping on him right then and having my first sexual experience in a foreign world. But ... Inner Poise. So I struggled from his sexy arms and found my hut to hide in. Damn Simon, he could have followed ... NO! Must ignore him.

**Sunday, 9th April**

_52 kg (other world foods), 0 moonshine, 4 cigarettes (eep), 1456 caloried, no. of times got butt kicked by Teyla: 7, no. of times thought about jeans and black shirted John: 67 (terrible)._

**Early Moring. Atlantis: Gym. **Just finnished sparring with Teyla. Lost, every time. Still, she says I'm getting better. Personally, I think I'm getting worse. John just entered - he gave me the eyebrow. He dosn't look half bad dressed for gym.

**8 a.m. **AH! Am out of control. Need Simon back, is not professional to think about John in such a way. But haven't talked to Simon since shut him down off-world. What am I going to do with myself. At least am not going to die any time soon. That's a good positive thought; see, Inner Poise.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quatres. **Okay, Atlantis is big, but not that bloody big. Searched for Simon all day, where could he be? I waited outside his quatres for a little while hoping to catch him, then realised was being desperate and stupid. I don't need Simon, never did, never will. I'll show him I can get along just fine without him.

**Midnight. **Need a cigarette.

**Wednesday, 12th April**

_54 kg, 0 moonshine, 12 cigarettes (horrible), 1722 calories, no. of times got butt kicked by Teyla: 8 (I knew I was getting worse)._

**11 a.m. **Haven't looked or cared about Simon for the past couple of days. Am very proud of myself. Decided to toss cigarettes into the ocean as I wont be needing them anymore.

**11:15 a.m. **Just got back from the storage room. Needed cigarettes, someone tossed mine out the window.

**Afternoon. Atlantis: Gym. **Teyla assures me that I am indeed getting better. Should really quit whilst I am ahead though, stick fighting just musn't be for me. John just said he wanted to spa me. Am so out of here before make complete arse of myself.

**10:45 p.m. **Am so content with happy life. Never thought could be so calm and collected. Am at peace with the world. My body is a temple and all that crap. I owe it all to Inner Poise.

**Monday, 17th April**

_56 kg (what happened), 6 glasses of moonshine (have been good up till now, so dosn't count), 167 cigarettes (not so bad concidering level of stress am under), 1086 calories, no. of times have banged my head against the wall: lost count._

**8:30 p.m. **WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? I am out of control, I have officially lost it ... I - I ... I need a drink.

**9:00 p.m. **OKay, have calmed down now. Still hugging bottle of moonshine, holding on for dear life. Suddenly what happened dosn't seem so bad with lots of drinks. I mean it was completly justified.

**9:15 p.m. **Oh, who am I kidding, no it wasn't.

**9:30 p.m. **So, was sitting in my room, minding my own buisness and running a nice hot bath to relax in, when I hear yelling from outside in the hall. I go to investigate. When I get there, I see Ronan Dex and a young air-force officer I recognised as a man named Brad. Brad was waving around a pair of leather pants claiming that they were in his room and therefore belonged to him. Meanwhile, Dex was yelling that they belonged to him, they were precious to him and that Brad had better hand them over or else.

I decided not to get involved, did not want to stand between two men and their leather pants. Next thing Bates runs up to me breathing very hard.

'Dr. There's water pouring through my ceiling.'

I forgot about the fucking bath! Next thing I know I'm running back to my quatres and into the flooded bathroom. Water absolutly everywhere. The taps wouldn't turn off so Bates ran and got a spanner. I had a few cigarettes whilst he was away, helped releave the stress somewhat. When he came back we finally managed to stop the water and after attempting to clean up in which I appologised over and over to him about ruining his quatres I offered him a drink. What can I say, seemed like a neighbourly thing to do after what I did. Had a few cigarettes too, I never knew he smoked. Next thing we start laughing about the whole bath water incident - we had both had a lot of moonshine by then. Then suddenly - I don't even remember how - he was all over me. We we're kissing and touching and goodness knows what else.

Well it was definitely an awkward situation. I mean I didn't want to seem ungrateful as I had just flooded his living space and after all, I was the one that made him stay and have a few drinks. I know that didn't exactally give him the right to sexually harass me, but all in all it was rather enjoyable. To know was with another man, completly over Simon. Inner Poise had rewarded me. Then suddenly Dex appears in my doorway waving around his leather pants triumphantly. We pulled away from each other so fast I still felt like I was attached to him, weird. If Dex was shocked, he didn't show it. I think he was just happy to have his pants back.

I think it was about then that I realised I had just kissed Bates. I don't know who I thought it was, but when I realised it was Bates, I suddenly felt very ill and ashamed and stupid and annoyed and frustrated and hell! My Inner Poise was out the fucking window.

**10 p.m. **Am so ashamed. I just want to roll over and die. If Simon had just stayed with me this would never have happened.

**11 p.m.** WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!

**Friday, 21st April**

_53 kg (don't care), 7 moonshine (don't care), 78 cigarettes (hmph!), 2453 calories (drowning sorrows in food)._

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. **Have lost the will to live. Have not spoken or even looked at anyone since incident which I have now called 'fuck!' simply for lack of better name. Plus that seemed to sum up my thoughts on the situation completly. I need help, really, is not funny any more, am very un-well.

**8:45 p.m. **Well it finally happened, I finally snapped. John came into my office today. Recently he had been for a short trip off-world and he needed to confirm some of the trade items with me. He just entered and I didn't even look up.

'Yeah, what?'

He sort of just stood there starring at me with a strange look on his face.

'Something wrong?' he asked me raising his eyebrow.

YES THERE BLOODY IS! I wanted to yell at him, but I decided to take a sarcastic approuch instead.

'Noooo, everything's just fine. How are you? How's Mindy?'

At that he went very quiet. Felt very satisfied.

'She's fine, really fine. She'll be glad you asked about her.'

And with that, I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to hear that she was fine, I didn't want to hear that she'd be glad I asked, I wanted her to trip over the balcony railing and tumble down into the strong current below where she would be swept away to a Wraith feeding ground. Was so angry at John I did the only thing I could, the only thing that would make me feel better. I threw one of my jars at his head. Unfortunatly his reflex's were too quick and he caught the jar before it hit him, so I wasn't very satisfied.

Then he just sorta stared at me stunned for a while. I just glared. Then, without warning his expression changed to one of anger and he just opened his hands and let the jar fall to the ground smashing into peices. With that he swore loudly and walked out.

Couldn't believe it. How dare he! What's his problem anyway.

**9:00 p.m. **Am so depressed about jar. I really liked that jar. Now I only have one.

**9:30 p.m. **Am misserable, misserable human being.

**Sunday, 23rd April**

Have lost all will to live, am so depressed. Yelled at John today, he yelled back. He seems really pissed off at me, I guess I did throw a jar at him. But he broke it ... bastard broke my jar.

**Saturday, 29th April**

**Early Morning. Atlantis: My Quatres. **Oh screw bloody inner poise, it can just go jump. Am going to smoke, am going to drink, am not going to go spa with Teyla. Am going to stay here, in bed, cursing and wishing death upon everyone.

**2 p.m. **Simon came up to me today whilst I was busy "WORKING" in my office.

'Can I speak to you?' he asked in a very serious manner.

'No.' Was so angry, I blame him for whole jar incident.

'Look, I'm sorry. I really don't know what's going on, just this whole Wraith attack thing really scared me. The first time something that life-threatening had happened to me. I just didn't want you seeing me upset, that's all, because I wanted to be strong ... for you.'

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! I know he's full of crap, but how the heck could I ignore that. His face was just so precious.

'Liz ... please.'

And, just like that all is forgiven. After all, it was John that smashed that jar, not Simon and it was Bates that made me throw it, stupid Bates. And it wasn't Simons fault that incident 'fuck!' happened, was moonshine which was given to us by Athosians who came to stay here because of John. So really, all is John's fault. So really, don't feel bad for throwing jar.

**Late Night. Atlantis: Simons Quatres. **Really missed Simon. Am just going to stay here all night drinking moonshine, smoking and doing what all couples love best. I love Simon, don't know how I ever got on without him.

**Sunday, 30th April**

_52 kg (sexexercise), 8 glasses of moonshine, 32 cigarettes (ack!), 921 calories._

**Late Night. Atlantis: Simons Quatres. **Am so very happy with life. Have Simon back and all is grand.

**11:15 p.m. **But I do really miss that jar.

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AN: LOL! That was fun. I love the way in your reviews your all questioning my lack of ShWeir. Come on, it's there ... subtle but there, just like the show. They'll get there eventually, maybe ... or maybe they wont. AHHHH! Elizabeth is not going to like what's in store for her in May, that is all I'm going to say. Thing's are going to get crazy once more. And don't worry about Bates, one time thing, he dosn't even remember. He can't handle his moonshine very well. Still can't believe I did that to poor Elizabeth. hugs AM SO SORRY, THERE WAS NOONE ELSE!

Oh, and just wanted to make sure it's readable. I mean there's alot of bold, italics and indentations that sometimes dont show up because I use note pad. I try to fix it up the best I can, but sometimes things can happen. So just making sure it's presentable enough.


	6. May: Let the Bad Times Roll

Note: AM SO SORRY! I know it took a long to time to update, but life has just been real hectic at the moment. Boy troubles, lol ... so now am very depressed because of dificulties so it is an absolutly perfect time to write about other peoples' misery. And who was the unknown person that told me I couldn't spell. I was so upset! Give me a name ... GIVE ME A NAME! Lol, no, honestly I don't care. It's true, can't argue with facts. And this program has no spell check and am on the lap top and sometimes the key pad dosnt work when you press it fast ... Im just making excuses. Anyways, enjoy nonetheless.

**finnstardust:** Awwww, only cause you said please. LOL! You may have to wait a little while though. And who knows what's going to happen, there's still so many months to go! And things arn't looking good!

**Hazeydream:** LOL! I don't think anyone knew Elizabeth could think like this. That's what makes it funny. Thing is she COULD think like this, if Atlantis was a comedy. But we all have our little probs, Elizabeth just has many! Thanks for reviewing both chapters, much appreciated. And I've been reading some of your stories!

**peanut:** Caldwell ey? Hmmm! That could be arranged. I sorta think HE has a thing for HER and not the other way around. So that could work. Thanks for the idea ... really feel like peanuts now.

**ashipper:** Got it. I'll remember sparky now! Won't forget. And yes, sigh they are trying. It's there, you've just got to look.

**Snow'sLuckyCat: **LOL! Your reviews always make me laugh. I told all my friends that line, they just rolled their eyes at me. How rude. Sorry you had to wait so long for may! But June and July... definitely wont have to wait as long!

**anonymous:** Hmph!

**BeachchickJASSNL:** I continued ... maybe not SOON, but I did. Lol, and I'm glad you can see it. Subtle yes, but is glad you can see it there.

**Sheppardster:** She does want to tell Elizabeth something big. But I can't tell you yet. Neither can she. LOL! hugs thanks for saying I'm doing great and yeah, if she dosn't take them off soon, I'll have to step in and I don't wanna have to do that!

**gatelover313:** Lol, yup! But I mean, who would like Mindy, LOL! Kidding, i'm sure she's a lovely girl. Some real mindy hating coming up as well.

**sparklegem:** LMAO! I'm so happy you liked that line. It was such a dull converstaion and I thought, hmph, I'll just shove it in there. And it worked out okay! LOL! I'm so happy there's a Simon/Elizabeth shipper reading. That's great! And glad you reviewed too. Makes me happy you did!

**Evenstar:** I KNOW! I CANT EITHER! I'm so cruel! LOL! Yeah, she's such a nut. But I'm sure it was a great jar. She must not destroy the other one though!

**eris86:** LOL! yes she should! writes it in Excellent! LOL!

**missuniverse93:** Were you really miss universe? Another one that liked that line. I'm happy now cause it wasn't in the first write up. And the jar line was good too, excellent to hear. I like knowing what worked and what didn't (spelling, grrrr).

**PurpleYin:** Zelenka/Weir? Okay if ya want. Just cause you gave me a nice review, i'll put it in. I KNOW! I fixed it up. It's spelt right now, i hope. Was so angry, I'm like, na, thats how you spell it here in aus ... but it wasn't! Am so ashamed. lol!

Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate Atlantis or the novel "Bridget Jones's Diary" by Helen Fielding.

Warning: Use of swearing, adult themes, bad stunts which shouldn't be copyed at home, bad behavior, agression, anger, violence and just over all a whole lot of stuff you shouldn't copy as adopting this life style could indeed affect your health.

**Elizabeth Weir's Diary!**

**May: Let The Bad Times Roll!**

**Wednesday, 3rd May**

_51 kg, 0 moonshine, 0 cigarettes, 1678 calories._

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quaters: **Have run away from Simon. Am frightened. I seriously think I am pregnat. I don't understand how we could have been so stupid. What am I going to do? Will they still let me lead Atlantis in this state? Will they kick me out on the street? But Atlantis dosn't have any streets! What then? Simon and I shouldn't have gotten so carried away. Sure I was glad he was back. Sure, he was glad he was alive, but why? WHY?

**Thursday, 4th May**

_53 kg (dosn't matter as must take care of the baby), 0 moonshine, 0 cigarettes, 2599 calories (must eat for the baby)._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: Briefing Room. **Never have I felt so out of place. So judged. John stared at me all through the briefing. So did Rodney. Heck, everyone did. Do they know? Or am I just becoming paranoid. Am making mental note now to check with Carson about whole brain damage thing. Really need to make sure that smoking and drinking really can harm your child. If there is the slightest chance it can't then I am so going to smoke up my room tonight.

**3 p.m. **Is not funny anymore. Am seriously worried. This can't happen to me. I will make a terrible parent. Simon would be going off-world, I'd be telling people off, the child would probably be better off getting raised by the Wraith. Will make horrible, horrible mother.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Office. **Can't sleep. Office is my only sanctuary. Am typing sorrows away on lap top. Simon hasn't been talking to me, am going to be a single mother. Hmmm ... I have a message.

** Message Weir**

** I know what you're up to.**

** Come to East-Atlantis transporter**

** for a good time.**

** Unknown**

DOSN'T THIS BASTARD KNOW I AM GOING TO BE A FUCKING MOTHER!

**Friday, 5th May**

_54 kg (baby weight), 0 moonshine, 0 cigarettes, 1555 calories._

**8 a.m. **Am really getting desperate. Am thinking of going to Carson and asking him to give me a once over. Make sure that it's not just all in my head. But am so frightened at what he might tell me I have decided I'm not going.

**8:15 a.m. **I suppose it couldn't hurt.

**8:20 a.m. **No, there's no way I'm going. He'll judge me. I know he will.

**Afternoon. Atlantis: Balcony. **Have retreated back to my soiled balcony. There was nowhere else to go. Am alone. Simon has run away, left me. I don't want to have a child alone. I am too young. I'm only 32 for crying out loud.

**1 p.m. **Just remembered I'm 32 ... I REALLY need a drink.

**3 p.m. **YIPPIE! Have never ever, in my entire life been so happy to be suffering from PMS! Am not pregnat, can't be. It's a miracle!

**4 p.m. **Am 32 years old, boy friendless and childless. WHY ME?

**Saturday, 6th May**

_55 kg (slowly taking baby weight off), 15 moonshine, 60 cigarettes (baby trauma - will get therapy one day), 1490 calories, no. of times bumped into John and mindy: 23 (KILL!)_

**Early Morning. Atlantis: My Office. **On my way to the office, I ran into John. Remembered that I was upset with him about jar so ignored him. I just decided to walk past looking at the floor. Rodney interupted me and when I turned around to leave I ran straight into John.

'Oh, sor - John! Hmph ... It's YOU!'

Stupid bastard didn't say anything just sorta looked down at me with a cold, hard stare and walked around me.

**10 a.m. **Dosn't that prick know I am TRAUMATISED! Not just over baby and age, but over Jar. Will never be the same again.

**Noon. Atlantis: My Quaters. **Stupid Mindy. Stupid John! What are they like actually an item now? I walked past them today in the halls. I don't know if they knew anyone was watching them but he had his hand around her skinny little shoulders whilst she had one placed gently on his arse.

**1 p.m. **WHY DO I CARE?

**2 p.m. **Where's Simon gone?

**Tuesday, 9th May**

_52 kg (weight off due to time spent with Simon and depression), 2 moonshine (very good), 62 cigarettes (eep!), 891 calories, no. of hours spent on actual work: 8 (better)._

**Noon. Atlantis: My Office. **Well Simon showed up again. Have no idea where he was. Says he was busy on the mainland again. What has this place come too. I don't even get told when people are heading off to the mainland now. They just fly on off as though its a bus that leaves at the same time every day. It's all Caldwells fault. I bet he was the one that planned all this. Stupid idiot is out to get me. Am really glad Simon is back though.

**Late Night. Atlantis: Simons Quaters. **Everything seems so weird at the moment. I feel so distant from John with the whole Mindy thing. I guess I'm just having troubles accepting that he's actually found someone. So used to seeing him as typical military type man. And now this!

Meanwhile, relationship with Simon is very, VERY bizare. I realised we're becoming too military ourselves. Everything is routine. It's so dull, so boring and now, so meaningless. My whole day can be put into a simple step by step guide:

1. Wake up and start work.

2. Work.

3. Finnish Work.

4. See Simon.

5. Sleep with Simon.

That's it. That is my day, every day. What has my life come to when sex just dosn't mean anything anymore? It suddenly just seems like such a regular thing having Simon around. Just like back on earth. Now I suddenly realise how boring my life was on earth.

**Midnight. Atlantis: Simons Quaters. **OH MY GOSH! Am I bored with Simon? What am I going to do?

**Sunday, 14th May**

_52 kg, 0 moonshine (am still recovering), 20 cigarettes (better, but still shocking ... am a chimney), 1999 calories (mostly chocolate)._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: My Quaters. **Am so hung over. Was very interesting night. All in all not so bad. Have now realised am in an actual relationship with Simon and I am not going to let bordom ruin what I have been wanting for for so long.

Realised all was very quiet for a Saturday night and so went for a little bit of a stroll down Atlantis Lane. There seemed to be a fair number of small gatherings going on. I was very hurt that noone bothered to ask me to go along. Nothing spectactular, just a few of the Airmen and scientists and doctors all getting together and having a bit of fun. No big deal, I would get over it.

Walked past Dex's quaters (if you could call them that, more like a cave then anything else) and I over heard happy laughter. So I stuck my head around just for a peek. There was Dex, Teyla, John and Mindy, all siting around having a very deep and fun filled chat. I was very angry. I think John may have seen me, but I pulled my head out as soon as I saw and briskly walked away. Made me angry. But at least I knew Rodeny hadn't been invited either.

So that was when I started looking for him. And I found him. In the labs with Zelenka and Beckett and a few other scientists. They were all having a very rowdy drinking conversation.

'Elizabeth ... welcome to the party!' A drunken Rodney grabbed my arm and pulled me in the room and I felt very welcome. So naturally I joined in the drinking games.

And a small note to self ... never play drinking games with scientists. Nine times out of ten you end up the most trashed as their games are far too intelligent for you and you end up ALWAYS getting them wrong.

'OKay ... Lizabef, yours turned ... 7145?'

'Errrr ... no. of clothes in my wardrobe?'

'NO! Iz tha nomba of molicules in a lizerd. DRINKKKKKKKKKKKK!'

'OKay, OKay!' Zelenka's turn to ask me. '146?'

'Hmmm ... no. of times I've lost this game?'

'NOOOOOOOOO! DRINKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!'

Only took about 20 minutes before I was completly off my face. Didn't hook up with Rodney this time though, although I did spend half the night with Zelenka sitting VERY close to me. That was when Simon turned up. Looking for me no doubt. He stumbled over, must have been drunk himself. Although I don't know why. Means he must have gone to a party and didn't invite me. Have I been missing out on these little get togethers EVERY Saturday night?

So that was preety much when everyone decided it was time to go to bed. McKay left looking like he was going to be sick, so did Zelenka ... although he did manage to give me a slight pat on the butt as he was leaving. I blame it on his drunkeness. Although does make me wonder if he was the one that grabbed me on New Year as well. Some of the other girls there were stumbling over, giggling stupidly. Simon helped some of them up, even led some of them back to their quaters. I didn't mind. I was happy, well for the most part. Happy because I had the perfect man that all the other girls clearly wished they had and angry because he had ruined the party just when I was going to get 8359 right. I mean it was clearly the number of times I had wanted to strangle Mindy.

Then when Simon came back he picked me up and took me back to my room, where he made it a perfect end to my night.

**3 p.m. **Am still cross at fact that I wasn't invited to ANY party's. Had to find one myself. But at least I have the perfect boy friend.

**Wednesday, 17th May**

_51 kg (hurray!), 0 moonshine (don't need it), 5 cigarettes (very good), 944 calories._

**6 p.m. **Simon is still being perfect. I've found myself having wild fantasies about the two of us running along the beaches on the mainland hand in hand. Standing back to back on top of Atlantis whilst people gun down Wraith in front of us ... the two of us in complete control. King and Queen of Atlantis. But naturally I get to be King, only because King's have that slight power advantage. Queen's just looks preety ... then again, the Queen of england seemed to be doing preety well without a fella.

I'm thinking way too much into this. Must get back to work.

**7 p.m. **Fantasies of Simon and me were shattered when I caught a glimpse of him from my office window. Was just staring at his back dreamily when he turned around and smiled. He looked bloody terrible. He had dark circles under his eyes, his body was sort of all hunched over as though he was too tired to stand up straight and when he smiled at me my perfect image of us changed dramatically. Suddenly found new image in my head where I was standing alone on top of Atlantis whilst horrible scary Wraith Simon came towards me threatening to suck the life out of me.

It was then that John walked into my office. It was also then that, so deep in thought and surprised at John entering my office, that I fell backwards off my chair.

'I'll come back later.'

And by the time I stood back up and composed myself he was gone.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quaters. **What did John want? Probably wanted to take my other jar away from me too. Well he's not getting it.

**Monday, 22nd May**

_54 kg (WHAT? Where did it come from?), 3 moonshine, 8 cigarettes, 957 calories, no. of negative thoughts: 900 (terrible)._

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quaters. **Miserable, misarable day! Simon has gone off once more so was all alone with nothing to do. So naturally resorted to work. That was when John decided to come back in for another go at that conversation he was trying to have with me last week.

'Elizabeth?'

'John?'

'This a good time?'

'I suppose ...'

He just sort of nodded at me and stood there looking around the room. I waited ...

'Look, I'm sorry about ... you know, the jar thing.'

I was really stunned. Suddenly felt guilty. After all was not his fault, I mean I was the one that had thrown it. But if it hadn't been for Mindy I never would have felt the rejection needed to hook up with Bates, if it hadn't been for Mindy I wouldn't have been so upset. If it hadn't been for Mindy I wouldn't have thrown the jar at John and he wouldn't have been stupid enough to drop it. So really, all is not John's fault. All is Mindy's fault. But I couldn't let him know that, wanted to play off his guilt.

'Well, it was my favourite jar. And I had a lot of use for it ... I was really upset.'

He sorta looked at me a little shocked at that point.

'Well if it was your favourite jar then why'd you throw it at me.'

'Why'd you make me angry enough to throw it at you?'

'Why does me talking about Mins make you angry? What's your problem with her?'

'Mins? What Mindy wasn't pet name enough ... WHAT SORT OF A NAME IS MINDY ANYWAY?'

It was at that point that he looked livid and ready to kill. I think I can safely assume my face matched his perfectly. I looked at my last jar. I concidered throwing at him ... this time I wouldn't miss. His eyes narrowed and he glarred at me.

'Go ahead ... I dare you!'

I was so shocked I didn't. What was the point in ruining another jar. My precious jar. I concidered throwing my lap top at him. But I still had a game of solitare saved and well, I liked that lap top. That was about the time he turned and left anyway. So I threw a pen at the door as he slammed it behind him. That way I got some satisfaction and no one would know I threw things at him.

Doh! Windows were glass. He probably saw!

**11:45 p.m. **Note to self ... get covered windows.

**12 a.m. **OKay, so neither of us handled that well. Bloody stupid Mindy.

**Friday, 26th May**

Simon came back. He was being really nice all day, helping me around the office and telling people off. I'm so proud of him. Earth contacted us today too. Apparently the president has ordered that the people of Atlantis are entitled to time off. Almost like a holiday, back on earth, spending time with their families. Even though I have Simon already here with me I'm still greatful for the chance to get away. Am actually very excited. Get to spend long stretch of work free days away from John and Mindy (who have become more and more a frequent thing) and time alone, uninterupted with Simon.

* * *

AN: OKay, that one was a little shorter and a little frustration I know. Specially to all of you Shweir shippers. But don't worry, I simply had to do that. Not every month is a good one as I'm sure you all know. Once again am SOOOO sorry for taking a long time to update. Am making it up to you by doing June and July today as well so that the next few days you will have regular updates. Am also sorry for bad spelling ... I spelt quaters right this time. Was supposed to start jogging today, I promised myself I would, but it's raining. Lol, I love life! 


	7. June: Miserable Earth

Note: Am so excited about this chapter. Sorry it took so long, but I had to add bits and peices and take some away. But I promise you'll like. Because I liked. This was sooooo much fun. Everyone's been wonderful readers and thank you for reviews. I'm not doing review by review thingy again because I got to go soon and I want to get this too you all as soon as possible. So I really hope you enjoy. Especially all you shippers because there's a bit of everything in this chapter. One in particular lol, but you'll see.

Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate Atlantis or the novel "Bridget Jones's Diary" by Helen Fielding.

Warning: Use of swearing, adult themes, bad stunts which shouldn't be copyed at home, bad behavior, agression, anger, violence and just over all a whole lot of stuff you shouldn't copy as adopting this life style could indeed affect your health.

**Elizabeth Weir's Diary!**

**June: Miserable Earth!**

**Thursday, 1st June**

_52 kg (perfect weight), 0 moonshine (who needs it), 0 cigarettes (okay, 5. But am so happy I don't care), 806 calories._

**3 p.m. **Tomorrow's the day. We're going back to earth. I am so excited. Find my mind wandering to all sorts of lovely scenarios. Will be great to go out to dinner, go to the movies, go to the beach and just spend time with Simon in the privacy of our own home. I'm so very happy! All is going great. This time next week Simon and I will be enjoying a lovely out door barbeque in our own home. We can be all over each other, do what ever we want. No one will be around to bug us.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quaters. **Am going to miss Atlantis. Oh well, wont be for very long. I'm sure it will still be here when we get back.

Ack! What if it's not? What then?

Musn't worry. Will remain calm. Nothing will happen. Am so excited.

**Friday, 2nd June**

_51 kg (travelling dosn't usually agree with me), 0 moonshine, 12 cigarettes (little bit of stress), 1790 calories, no. of holiday destinations looked at: 32 (very good)._

**Late Afternoon. Earth: Simon/My Place. **Simon has just gone to bed. Am fairly fed up actually. Had terrible day. Had to travel all morning to get to earth. Needed cigarette badly when I realised that John and Mindy were going to go off together. Traveling dosn't agree with me, neither do they, so all in all was absolutly crap trip. Simon spent most of the time looking out the window not even bothering to look at me.

Then things only got worse. When we got to earth we were given permission to go where ever we wanted to go. Back to our homes or our families. When Simon and I got home he complained about being really tired. So he closed all the blinds and switched on the TV. I made us something to eat later in the day, but I needn't have bothered. He didn't seem in the mood to eat.

I can't understand him. Before Atlantis we couldn't stand being away from each other, then on Atlantis, although we were fairly distant sometimes, it was because everything was new and dangerous, but we were still very close. Now I just feel like some old married couple who have just about had enough of each other.

**10 p.m. **Am looking at brochures for holidays. Whilst we're here we may as well do something fun and maybe that's just what Simon and I need. A nice break away from all the stress. He better be up for this or else.

**Sunday, 4th June**

_51 kg, 0 moonshine (no moonshine on earth), 16 cigarettes (but am going to quit again), 940 calories, no. of hours slept: 15 (I really just can't believe it)._

**Not so early morning. Earth: Simon/My Room. **Woke up this morning eager to talk to Simon about holiday plans, but rolled over only to find he wasn't there. I didn't think much of it, probably just went to the toilet or for a walk or something. I have work to do anyway, what am I worried about. Even though it is technically supposed to be a holiday, may as well do some as Simon seems to be off somewhere.

**10:45 a.m. **If Rodney gives me one more damn idea for some stupid experiment I will scream ... there better not be anymore in here. Ohhhh, brochure on Egypt. Now I'd really love to go back there ...

**11 a.m. **Ah! Really must concentrate on work. Egypt is too far anyway, will never make it ... back to Rodney.

**11:20 a.m. **Hmmmmm, there's something in my eye making it a bit itchy. Maybe an eye lash. Not really sure ...

**11:45 a.m. **Why hasn't Simon come back yet? I supose I could get up and look for him, but I do have work to do after all. Best get it done now so I can enjoy my holiday and have less to do when I get back.

**11:50 a.m. **OKay ... eye REALLY is itchy. Better do something about it before I scratch it out or something. I could rinse it underwater maybe, that might help it a bit.

**12 p.m. **I look terrible. Need some make-up on I think ... really. Didn't get enough beauty sleep. Obviously 15 hours wasn't enough.

**12:15 p.m. **Is really, REALLY starting to get a bit chilly. Perhaps should change into something a little warmer. Will be great not to wear those Atlantis clothes again, such a nice change. What to wear? Hmmm, cargo pants and red top looks good.

**12:30 p.m. **Lunch time. Finally a break from all of that work.

**1:30 p.m. **OKay, so I'm actually going to get work done tonight. Dosn't look like Simon and I will be doing anything fun as he still ISN'T HERE! What a jerk! I bet John and Mindy are off doing something really fun together, meanwhile I'm just sitting aroung the house. Could go out and do something but feel so seperated from the world now. Plus I haven't spoken to any of my friends in over a year. They'd hate me. Might just lie down on the bed for a moment, then will get straight back to work.

**10:30 p.m. **FUCK! Oh, screw it! Like I'm going to get any work done anyway. It can just wait till I get back home ... err - I mean, Atlantis. I am so pathetic. AH! What's that? Oh ... Simon's back. And he's sleeping. At least he hasn't left me.

**Tuesday, 6th June**

_53kg, 0 moonshine (really miss that stuff), 0 cigarettes (none left), 786 calories (ice cream, no food left but that)._

**Noon. Earth: Simon/My Lounge Room. **Another wasted day. Once again we sat around in the house with the curtains closed and watching Star Trek on TV. I wanted to do something, really did. Didn't even care if it was raining outside, but Simon just once again showed no interest. There's no food, no cigarettes, no alcohol. I've forgotten how to shop, I'm so used to having everything just there for me. Am so lost. If Simon would go with me I might feel better. But he shows absolutly no sign of budging. Still don't know where he went the other day. He said just for a long walk, taking in what he missed. Why couldn't I have gone to?

**8 p.m. **Am in great state of depression. Everyone is having a good time but me. Rodney would probably be spending his time with some great new girl, John and Mindy were probably married by now having just spent the best few days of their lives together and Teyla and Dex would be having the time of their life no matter what they were doing because everything would be new to them. Everything would be exciting. Suddenly find myself very jealous of aliens.

**8:30 p.m. **Oh, who am I kidding, at least I know Rodney wont be with anyone either. How could I have even thought he was with a girl! HAHAHA!

**9 p.m. **He better not be with a girl.

**Friday, 9th June**

_54 kg (weight gain due to doing NOTHING!), 4 shots of vodka, 12 cigarettes, 1001 calories, hours spent playing with strange object: 12 (shocking)._

**9 a.m. **Is becoming bad routine. Raining again when I woke up, walked into dark lounge room to find Simon watching more Star Trek ... why did they have to make so many of those? Didn't bother winging. Didn't bother trying to get in front of the TV or open the curtains, just got my breakfast and am now going back into my room. Good thing I did the shopping the other day ... really need a cigarette.

**Noon. Earth: Simon/My Room. **Simon's still watching TV, but I don't care. Was just going through my things when something rolled across the floor. Weird little thingy magig. Sort of a circular ball, sounds almost like metal. Has some weird camoflage colours on it and a pattern that almost looks like cobwebs. Quite interesting really, I wonder where it came from.

**1 p.m. **Hmmmm, must have a button of some kind, maybe opens up to reveal some sort of cool secret.

**1:15 p.m. **No buttons. Am now trying to locate instructions or manuel of some kind ... idiotic as is tiny ball which obviously has no instructions.

**1:20 p.m. **Maybe it has no function.

**1:30 p.m. **Na, that's boring. It must do something.

**2 p.m. **Have hit it, trodden on it, tripped on it, kicked it, thrown it against the wall, poured water on it and screamed at it ... nothing has worked. Obviously it is nothing and my pointless attempts at making something out of nothing are just proof of how bored I am.

**2:30 p.m. **Despite obvious signs that ball is nothing have spent last half hour having a great time sticking it in the microwave, freezing it, boiling it, hugging it, hidding it, laughing at it, poking at it and even starring at it hoping that it will just give up and reveal its secrets to me.

**2:45 p.m. **Has trurned out quiet a fun day really.

**Late Night. Earth: Simon/My Room. **Told Simon about ball, he simply didn't care. He took one look at it, said 'it's just a ball Lizzy,' and then tossed it in the corner. Then he jumped into bed and fell asleep. Hmph! I hate Earth.

**Monday, 12th June**

_56 kg (OMG! AM FAT BLOB), 6 shots of vodka, 56 cigarettes (don't care), 3755 calories (food makes life interesting)._

**Early Morning. Earth: Simon/My Room. **The past few days, Simon and I have done a grand total of 2 things together. First one being that we slept together ... no doubt out of bordom then anything else. Second one being that we ordered take out and ate it together in front of the TV ... no doubt he was hungry after all that non stop Star Trek watching.

**2 p.m. **Once again find myself back in room. I wonder where Simon kicked that weird metal ball too.

**2:30 p.m. **Found ball ... maybe I shouldn't lower myself to playing with it again.

**2:45 p.m. **Am really bored. Maybe will just try a few more things on metal ball.

**3 p.m. **OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I picked up the littly thingy to have a look at it and there are some really unusual flashing lights on it. Hard to see because they blend in with camoflaged outter shell so well, but it looks like its flashing in weird little symbols. Maybe I can try and decipher the symbols.

**Late Night. Earth: Simon/My Room. **Brain hurts, symbols deciphered NONE! Must admit has been very interesting day though.

**Tuesday, 13th June**

_56 kg (sigh), 0 vodka, 12 cigarettes, 18 cups of coffee, 478 calories (SGC food ... yuck)._

**Late Night. Earth: SGC Mountain. **Was woken up VERY early by little metalic ball. Had started beeping, very bizzare. When I looked at it, everything seemed to be normal. I didn't understand. Simon didn't care, I was bored, so I decided to go back to SGC to see if anyone could tell me what it was.

OKay, so that was just an excuse, I missed the place, heck I miss Atlantis. Was a good excuse to go back there.

Was very pleased to see Rodney there, with Zelenka, the two of them completly companion-less. Made me feel a little better. They welcomed my little metalic ball with open arms and were just as excited as I was to see it.

Still haven't figured anything out yet. I wonder what it could be. This is getting exciting. Might just stay here the night, no need going back to Simon.

**Sunday, 18th June**

_54 kg (stress, running, fear etc), 0 vodka (SGC really needs a pub), 0 cigarettes (smoked all 38 packets over past couple of days), 70 cups of coffee (very bad), 89 calories (can't eat), members of expedition team have killed: 2._

**2 p.m. **And Elizabeth Weir has done it again. Managing to land not one, but two members of her team in the infirmary. Am so stupid. What was I thinking?

So everything was going just fine and dandy. Zelenka, Rodney and I had been trying to figure that little ball thingy out. Having a great time mind you. Didn't even feel bad that I was staying there and not with Simon. We we're laughing happily, mucking around ... oh, and of course working, VERY hard ahem.

Then it happened.

'Errrrr, Elizabeth.'

'What is it Rodney?'

'We may have a problem ...'

'What is it Rodney?'

'Well I have sort of deciphered -'

'We,' Zelenka interveined with a hopeful look in my direction (what was that about?).

'Yes ... okay, WE have deciphered the symbols shown on the ball you brought to show us and well ...'

'WHAT IS IT RODNEY?'

'It's in Wraith and it seems to be some sort of a count down.'

That was when I felt my heart stop. I just stared at Rodney.

'What sort of countdown?'

'Well our guess is ... for a bomb. It's a Wraith bomb!' Zelenka said this very calmly, he actually made me feel calm. Untill I realised what the hell he just said it me.

'WHAT? RODNEY GET RID OF IT' I couldn't believe that they had even kept it for this long obviously knowing what it was. I thought for sure that they'd have enough sense to get rid of the damned thing straight away.

'No, I can't. I mean, it's disarmed at the moment. It seems to have stopped literally seconds before it exploded. My guess is you probably pressed something accidently that caused it to pause the count down. It's a miracle it didn't go off before.'

It was right then and there that I realised I could have been dead. If I hadn't of somehow shut the small machine down, Simon and I would both be dead. Technically it wasn't even the Wraith's fault. I mean, sure, it was their device, but Simon was the one that triggered it. Does he WANT me dead? Have to have a little sit down with him about this one. Maybe it's not the Wraith I should be concerned with at the moment.

But although I didn't manage to get blown up BEFORE, dosn't mean I didn't manage it AFTER. For it was right about then that I picked up the object once again and examined it closly. Rodney didn't argue so I just assumed it was okay. That was when it beeped at me again.

Next thing I know Rodney called out my name and he threw me to the side. Then Zelenka was on top of me, I almost turned around and said 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?' but there was an earth shattering KABOOM and I realised he was the only thing that stopped me from getting sent to the infirmary in a messy heap.

Suddenly there was medical personal all around me, lifting me onto my feet and asking me over and over if I'm alright. That was when I saw Rodney being carried off on a stretcher and Zelenka limping off with his arms around two of the medics, obviously not being able to walk without them. It was about then that I turned around and looked right at the medic who had asked me how I was.

'Clearly I'm FUCKING TERRIFIC!' I shouted and they all just stared at me stunned.

Now I'm standing outside the SGC after having just killed two of my best scientists and feeling as guilty as hell because I'm alive and well and there both clearly not.

**3 p.m. **Hmph! It's starting to rain. Don't have the will power to go back inside. Perhaps if I stay out here long enough I'll drown in the raindrops ... I don't deserve to be Atlantis' leader.

**3:15 p.m. **DROWN ME NOW! I saw a car arrive outside the SGC. John got out. Have never been so happy to see a friendly face. Was going to run up and tell him everything that had happened, maybe he could convince me it wasn't all my fault. But then he put his hand back in the car and when it came back out again a familiar, unnecessarily chirpy women was latched onto it as though she was one of those Wraith bugs. Mindy just has to ruin everything ...

**4 p.m. **Am really cold and wet now. Could go inside, but no point. Am so angry.

**4:30 p.m. **Attempts at drowning myself in the rain failed miserably. I wonder if it actually can be done ... would ask one of my scientists, BUT THEY'RE DEAD! I'm sure I was nearly there but. Why couldn't he have just left me out in the rain?

'Errr ...Elizabeth.' I recognised his annoying voice even with all the rain pouring down around me. 'Maybe you should come inside. Carson wants to give you a once over.'

'Go away John.'

I heard splashing behind me and I thought for sure he walked away. Can't believe he left me alone. So I told him to, but I didn't mean it. He clearly didn't understand women. But then ...

'Elizabeth your gonna get sick. Can you come inside!' He was right next to me and he grabbed my arm forcefully as he said this. I grunted and shrugged him off. He let go of my arm ... darn. DEFINITELY dosn't get women, he was OBVIOUSLY supposed to cling on more.

'Hey!' I jumped when he said this, suddenly he was Mr. Authority with a very forceful tone. 'Everyone's worried about you. There was a big explosion, McKay and Zelenka were badly injured and you just disappeared. Beckett dosn't even know what condition your in. Now come inside now or I'll drag you in!'

Hmmmm. Forceful, very forceful. Not bad! But I was in a VERY bad mood.

'I'm fine. Now leave me alone. Don't you have anything better to do? I saw you bring Mindy here. Maybe she want's a tour. You can show her the elevators or some of the deserted corridors, I'm sure she'll like it there.' Okay, so right now I'm starting to think that comment wasn't very professional, but I was rain sick, had just been blown up, two of my men were down and I simply HATED Mindy.

'Fine!' That was all he said. And once again, I seriously thought he had left. Next thing I know the bastard grabs me from behind and sorta tosses me over his shoulder. I didn't mind that much, very Batman-ish of him really. Felt like he was rescuing me from some blazing fire rather then from some wimpy rain. I argued with him anyway, just to keep at it.

'JOHN! PUT ME DOWN!'

'You gonna come with me to the infirmary?'

'NO!'

'Then your not allowed to!'

'PUT ME DOWN!'

'No!'

'JOHN!'

'That's Colonel ... and not untill you say you will.'

'DOWN!'

'Elizabeth ...'

'Oh fine, I'll go!'

And he put me down. Suddenly felt very week and tired after days events and would have been a lot better if he had just carried me the whole darn way. But that would show weakness and I didn't want him to do it just because he pityed me. I'm not pathetic. So I stormed off towards the infirmary, John following me like a shadow.

**Late Night. Earth: SGC Infirmary. **Carson said I'm a little shell shocked and am 'bloody ridiculous' for standing in the rain. John didn't stay. He made sure I got there, gave me an odd, pained sort of look and then walked off again. Feel so typically the damsel in distress today.

Carson wont let me leave, but not so bad. Rodney and Zelenka challenged me to some very intellectual card game. I ended up just pretending I was so "shell shocked" that it was affecting the way I played and after that I started winning a lot. They may have been going easy on me, but I don't know, I have been practising.

Appologised to Rodney a thousand times over about it all. And thanked Zelenka for practically saving my life by making sure he got the blue jelly instead of the yellow. I knew it was his favourite when Rodney was blabbing on about it. Don't think it's much thanks, but he seemed to appreciate it.

**Wednesday, 21st June**

_53 kg, 56 coffees (needed due to listening to Rodney's late night babble), 5 cigarettes (snuck them in), 678 calories._

**Early Morning. Earth: SGC. **Funny how we were given time off, but in the end we all ended up working back at the SGC anyway. Well not technically working, more like enjoying some nice deserved time off. But with each other. Because heck, we are each others family now. And Rodney, he's like the annoying pet. You love him to peices, but sometimes he just gets so darn demanding. He keeps wanting things and needing things, he has to have all the attention and heaven forbid if you don't reward him when he does something good.

Should really call Simon.

**4 p.m. **Hunted down John to tell him thanks for the other day. Hadn't really done that yet. I knew he was still around, I had heard Rodney talking about him and Mindy a fair bit. Personally I was fed up and was seriously going to zat him if he mentioned them once more (that's right, I have learnt the powers of the Zat). But I found John, he was working in the mess hall getting some food - and, surprisingly, totally Mindyless.

'John ... hi!'

'Elizabeth ... feeling better?'

'Much ... thankyou.'

'No probs ...'

He smiled, but it was an awkward smile. Then he took a bite out of his apple and went to leave. But I wasn't done. I had been a complete and total bitch (ouch) and he deserved an appology.

'No John, I really mean that.' He paused and turned.

'I know you do!'

'I know, but I need to say it. Thankyou. I really appreciated it. And ... I'm (GOING TO KILL MINDY) ... really (GONNA STRANGLE THAT GIRL) ... really (GONNA KICK HER OFF ATLANTIS) ... sorry!'

He smiled again. But this time it was much better. A warm smile, a happy smile. A John Sheppard smile.

'No problems. I'm just glad your up and about.'

We walked for a bit and I was just starting to tell him about Rodneys new theory when there was a voice behind me.

'Elizabeth ... Oh my gosh. Your alive!' I spun around so fast, even John stopped to look.

It was Simon. He just ran up to me and hugged me. And he looked terrible. He was unshaven, his clothes were crumpled, he smelt of alcohol and he was just a mess. Suddenly scruffy ol' John looked like some Prince.

'I was so worried, I only just heard. What happened?'

I just sort of um-ed and ur-ed at him. I didn't know what to say. He had only JUST gotten the news about me. And I hadn't called him or anything. Suddenly felt terrible, he looked dreadful and it was all because of me.

'Simon, I'm sorry ... I-I ...'

But he brushed me aside.

'It dosn't matter about that. Come on.' And he grabbed my arm.

'Where are we going?'

'I don't know, somewhere. We've still got time left, I'm going to take you on that hoilday.'

I was over joyed ... at least I think I was. Okay, I wasn't, actually I was rather shocked still. I had sort of gotten over the whole holiday idea now I was back with everyone else, but suddenly Simon was all for it. I didn't really know what to say.

'Goodbye John,' I just managed to get in before being dragged away. And although it was faint could have sworn I heard him say '... g'bye Liz.'

**Sunday, 25th June**

_56 kg (comfort food), 16 exotic alcoholic drinks, 78 cigarettes (all forced upon me), 2567 calories (all exotic foods), no of times have wished I was back listening to Rodney's stupid inventions: 3786 (VERY BAD), no. of times have kicked myself for wishing to be listening to Rodney's stupid inventions: 35 (VERY BAD ... should be happy am on holiday)._

**Late Afternoon. Earth: Some Exotic Island. **It's no use. Am having miserable time. Simon was very over protective the first day we went on holiday. But now, things seem to be going back into there old pattern again. We go out, have dinner, maybe sit on the beach. But we argue, we have no fun and we barely even talk. I'm with Simon, this is what I wanted, I should be happy ... but I'm not.

I'm miserable, bored and upset. Something's missing ... I just don't know what.

* * *

AN: OMG! I loved writing that. Soooooo good. Specially those last few days. You will probably know why. Oh and I realise Weir's been calling Zelenka, Zelenka. I'm a little annoyed at that cause she calls everyone by their first name, but I didn't know his, so I'm sorry, but the love is their. Oh and how'd you like the little back on earth chapter? Nice break I hope. Cause that's all it was intended for. Just so you wouldn't get too bored with Atlantis. 


	8. July: Falling Apart

Note: Firtsly, I appologise. I realise this has taken me ... well, its taken me a while. And I am soooo sorry, so please let the hate mail stop, put the guns down and whoever posted me that bomb ... well lets just say you owe me a new car. OKay, so this is a late christmas present if any of you are still reading it and not completly fed up with me. I promise to regularily update again (I hope). So this chapter, was orignially going to be my fav, but once writing it, it annoyed me. I'm not good at writing StarGate techno bable and making off-world trips seem cool. So sorry if it's long winded, or boring, or what not. Just remember, things look good, but then they have to get REALLY ugly before they all work out again. And sometimes they don't work out. Thats called bad luck. Lol! But we can only cross our fingers and hope for the best. So enjoy, Elizabeths' ugliest month.

Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate Atlantis or the novel "Bridget Jones's Diary" by Helen Fielding.

Warning: Use of swearing, adult themes, bad stunts which shouldn't be copyed at home, bad behavior, agression, anger, violence and just over all a whole lot of stuff you shouldn't copy as adopting this life style could indeed affect your health.

**Elizabeth Weir's Diary!**

**July: Falling apart!**

**Saturday, 1st July**

_58 kg (but miserable holiday fat, will leave now am back to stressful job), 32 glasses of moonshine (make up for all the alcohol I missed), 89 cigarettes (make up for all the smoking I ... well, I needed it Okay), 2100 calories (off to a bad start). _

**Early Morning. Atlantis: My Quaters. **Never, ever thought I'd say this, but it's great to be home. And despite my previous worries, John and Mindy have not gotten married (at least I don't think so, I didn't see a ring) and Rodney is still completly female free. Days on Exotic Island with Simon were nothing short of disasterous. Our whole trip revolved around us doing various activities that just helped along our bordom, eating food and then sleeping together to make up for the lousy day we had. Not long ago I probably wouldn't have complained at all, but it just wasn't right. I felt the only reason we were there was because I almost blew myself up which made Simon feel sorry for me which ultimately led to him taking me on a holiday.

Now we're back and I haven't seen head nor tail from him since we arrived. Bloody rat, where has he run off to?

**4 p.m. **Rodney and Zelenka just bombarded me with stupid, crazy plans for something totally pathetic and irrelevant to anything we're doing here.

'And I think it's important that we ... Elizabeth?'

Rodney just stared at me confused at that point because I was staring at him with a great big smile on my face. I was just so happy to be back on Atlantis. Everything just feels so right here. Back to the old ways.

**5 p.m. **Shouldn't have smiled at Rodney, now he's giving me a list of things he needs. He's cornering me! Got to get away! Stupid Atlantis ... why can't I be back on earth?

Maybe I can hide from him in this storage cabinet. Hmmm, didn't know we had a storage cabinet here.

**5:15 p.m. **OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just recieved the biggest fright of my life. Jumped in random storage cabinet to get away from Rodney. Was very dark but completly Rodneyless. Was just congratulating myself on the great hiding spot when suddenly I realised I wasn't alone. I heard breathing. It frightened me, but only a little. I mean it wasn't like heavy darth vader type breathing you'd expect from crazy psyco's that hide out in storage cabinets, it was rather soothing ... WHAT AM I SAYING? Loonatic! Fucking Loonatic! Next thing I know I feel hands around my waist and an eager voice mutter, 'I've been waiting for you Elizabeth.'

Then I screamed like a girl, burst through the door and ran for my quaters, I didn't even look around to see who it was. I'm so frightened, no where is safe!

**6 p.m. **That voice was so familiar ... ack! Don't even want to think about it. This is all Rodney's fault.

**Tuesday, 4th July.**

_57 kg (WHY WONT IT GO AWAY), 3 glasses of moonshine, 76 cigarettes (when one fears for their life, one does these things), 899 calories, no. of times have screamed like a girl when someone mentions storage or cabinet: 134 (who knew those words were used so much in daily conversation)._

**6 a.m. **Spent the past two days avoiding anyone and everyone. Who grabbed me? Are they still out there? What if they're waiting for me in my office and I can't get away? WHAT THEN????

Am becoming paranoid. Simon came back at least. Last night, came sneaking into my room and snuggled up to me. Gave me a fright at first, but then felt safe and secure in his arms.

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. **Have just finnished giving filthy looks at John. Am torn between pure hatred and gratefulness at the moment. I mean, he cared enough for me to carry me and my outrageously heavy body half way to the SGC infirmary and yet ... KILL! Why can't he just come to his senses and dump Mindy in the ocean.

Before it was just lust, making out with each other whenever they could. Now it's small pecks on the check. 'Goodbye John, see you tonight,' and 'ta ta Mindy, you know I love you.' Since when has he become Mr. OneWomenMan? What happened to him being Mr. FlirtGod? He's not supposed to settle down with her ... he's supposed to have dumped her and moved on by now.

**4 p.m. **I need a drink.

**Wednesday, 5th July.**

_57 kg (... breath ... must remain calm), 0 moonshine, 0 cigarettes (excellent), 410 calories, no. of times got beaten by Teyla: 2 (VERY GOOD!), current score board: Elizabeth 1 John 0._

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quaters. **Was going to start work nice and early this morning. Made my way to my office and caught a glimpse of lovely sunrise through the windows. Just stopped a moment to take it in when I saw them. John and Mindy ... sitting together on MY balcony watching MY sunrise and laughing away happily at some private joke. Got so angry I turned right around, barged into the Gym and spared with Teyla.

'You've been practicing,' she told me after the second time she'd beaten me. HUH! Wrong, I'm just very pissed off. She grabbed her towel and was obviously going to finnish up, but I still had so much anger. Was going to challenge Ronan but when I saw the look he had on his face I decided against it. But then, who should walk in ... John.

'Dr. Weir. What are you doing here?'

'Sparing with Teyla. What are YOU doing here?' Stupid question, so very stupid.

'Well I was going to go a round with Teyla but ... if you want to? I mean ... if you think you're ready?' He was threatening me! I had to do it. OKay, not REALLY a threat, but I didn't like his tone. Long story short I kicked his tiny, yet incredibly solid (as I found out when I hit him especially hard on the rear end and my stick splintered down the middle) butt. Stupid moron just smiled at me.

'Not bad for a beginner. Next time I'll fight you for real!'

BASTARD! Does that mean he was going easy on me? Why? Damn it, if Teyla can handle it so can I! If I had of had a jar with me, I would have thrown it at his messy head!

**12 a.m. **Since when have I been "Dr. Weir"? What is he? To good to call me Elizabeth now?

**Friday, 7th July.**

_Too depressed to weight myself, too depressed to drink (what is this world coming to?), too depressed to smoke (oh okay ... 12 ... but its depression smoking and dosn't count), too depressed to eat. _

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quaters. **Have lost Simon once again. If I had one dead wraith for every time he disappeared and left me in my time of dire need, I would have ... a whole lot of dead wraiths ... hm!

Today turned out absolutly horrid. In fact, I just think I'll give up on life and stay buried under my covers for ever. This is all Mindy's fault. Horrid, horrid girl. What is her deal anyway? First I run into her in the mess room 'Oh ... hello Dr. Weir ...' she opened her mouth to say something, looked around nervously as though someone had spotted her and then excused herself. Then, after lunch, she was at the labs. This time she made a direct bee-line for me, I would have run away but curiosity held me in place ... then she walked right on past me. Again in Carson's office ... 'Dr. Weir ... I - I ... I was just done here' and to no big surprise she ran right past me again.

By then I was so fed up and so frustrated I decided to take matters into my own hands. Naturally, I couldn't talk to Mindy - that's just absurd! So instead I approuched John ... big mistake. I was VERY angry!

'Dr. Weir ...' he said, smirking as I stormed up to him. There's that formality again - hmph!

'Colonel! What is with that girl friend of yours?' I blurted it out not even thinking and I really regret it now. The look on his face was that of pure shock. It wasn't very profesional my asking, but I didn't care in the least.

'Mindy? What about her?'

'What's her problem? Why does she keep coming near me?' Wasn't exactally the way I wanted it to come out, but that's what I said. Cause truth be told, I was sick of her hanging around. Sick of running into her. Why couldn't she just go off-world and never come back?

'What are you talking about? When has she been going near you?'

'All day, everywhere I go ... she's there. She wont leave me alone! What's wrong with her?' That started it ... I've gotta learn to keep my mouth shut. But a few anger management classes on Johns' part wouldn't go astray.

'Nothing's wrong with her! Maybe it's you that has the problem!'

'Me? (how dare he, still fuming) HA!'

'Yes you! I don't know what's wrong with you. Your not happy so you take it out on me, because I AM happy!' His words struck hard. He was right, I am miserable ...

'What? That's not true. I'm happy! What's there not to be happy about?' OKay, so I lied ... what can you do?

'You tell me. Your mad at me because your relationship isn't working out and mine is! That's why you keep snapping at Mindy all the time.'

Ouch! Well it just goes to show he missed the point entirely.

'You don't know what your talking about! Your just jealous!' Oh please let someone have tampered with my memory, I can't believe I actually said that ... so childish!

'Jealous? HA! Of what? You and Simon? Surely your not implying that!' I went silent about then, because I realised that's exactally what I had just meant, without actually meaning too. The look he was giving me was that of pure hatred. I couldn't believe it. I was so upset. So I walked away. Not very mature I know ... but that's what I did.

Now I'm lying in bed, alone and miserable just like John said I was, wondering if that conversation actually happened.

Yuh ... preety sure it did.

**Satuday, 8th July.**

_58kg (How? When? Where? Why? I'm being punished ... punished for my evil ways), 1 LARGE bottle of moonshine, 12 cigarettes (see, not too bad ... OH OKAY! It's 12 packets ... just so upset), AND WHO CARES HOW MANY CALORIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. **Decided this was the best place for me to hide and bury myself in self pity. Walked past John this morning only to have him walk past me without so much as an eyeball in my direction. I never used to mind when people ignored me, wasn't that big a deal. But when someone who looks at you every day suddenly decides to ignore you, it hurts.

... where's that bottle of moonshine I had lying around here.

**Late late late late Night. Who kno's realy. **Could never found botel of moonshiney godness ... butt Rodney kind man alwayz shares with me. Goooooood drinkies sittin round ... John ... John ... what a fuck head ... why not like me for? Only 1 that thing can b done. I'm goinna find him and sort this out ... OUCH! Dor ... who put a dor there ...

**Sunday, 9th July.**

_58kg (It's still there - Fat ... BE GONE!), 0 moonshine (never want to look at it again), 0 cigarettes (might throw up if I smoke), 0 calories (might throw up if I eat). _

**Early Morning. Atalntis: My Quaters. **So sick! SO SO SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sick! Should never have visited Rodney begging for alcohol. I still can't believe I was on my way to see John, good thing I hit my closed bedroom door a second time and passed out on the floor, otherwise who knew what else I would have said to him. Must try and get out of bed now ...

Ah! Bad, bad, bad move ... I think I'm going to be sick.

**10 a.m. **I knew there was a reason I hated working on a place like Atlantis. In any other job, Sunday would be a day off, regardless if there was an emergency at work, you could just fix it when you went into work on Monday. On Atlantis, however, if there's a problem it has to be fixed right away, even if it is a Sunday ... even if you are extremely hung-over and would prefer just to curl up in bed with a bottle of water, feeling sorry for yourself.

I finally got up the strength and will power to get out of bed with my pounding head when my ear piece went off. 'Dr. Weir, you're needed in the gate room.'

I resisted the temptation to yell out 'GET SOMEONE ELSE TO BLOODY DO IT' and made my way slowly to the Gate Room, where everyone was already waiting. Teyla and Ronan were deep in conversation toward the back of the group, John was completly ignoring me as was per usual since our screaming match and Rodney, I was VERY pleased to see, looked just about as shit as I felt.

'What's the problem?' I said, sounding as though I really didn't care and really didn't need to know the answer. Because I really didn't care and I REALLY didn't wanna know the answer. Rodney was holding his head and screwing up his face as though my barely audiable, non-caring voice was hurting his head.

'We just recieved word from a very primitive planet in need of our help,' Teyla chimmed in as she heard my question. Now it was my turn to hold my head. I never realised what a high pitched and brain knocking voice Teyla had. I really shouldn't have drank so much, it's very hard to take your leader seriously when she's screwing up her face every time you speak.

'What do they need our help for?' I asked, once again not really wanting to know the answer. Why couldn't people sort their own problems out like we had to.

Rodney quickly silenced Teyla with a wave of his hand as he decided, like he always did to take over. 'All they want us to do is help them pick a leader for their ... er, tribe I guess you could call it, for lack of a better word.' He held his head as I just gave him a very blank look. They could not be serious. Fancy disturbing me from my self pity excercise for THIS.

'You see,' he continued with that same tone he usually used, the one that said, 'you're all stupid and I'm not so shut up and listen to me'. 'Apparently they heard about us from occupants on a near-by planet. Seems we have some credibility out there after all. Every five years, four or five men run for leader and they always choose outsiders to help pick a suitable candidate. This year they've asked us to help them choose.'

I waited for Rodney's words to set in. Yep, they were definitely in there, no doubt that was exactally what he said. Now the response from the leader (being me) is ... drum roll please ... 'THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD!' ... well it was. And still is, what a dumb way to elect a leader, it has nothing to do with us, we could pick the worst candidate for all we care.

I actually got a nod of approval from John, even though he didn't exactally look at me when he did it. Even Teyla said a very quiet, 'I agree'.

'Yes, it is, but I wouldn't have said anything if we weren't getting something really great in return.'

And there it was, the thing that we get out of it ... and let me guess it's a ...

'A ZedPM,' Rodney finnished, with an excited grin that seemed to disagree with his pounding head because it disappeared very quickly.

The things we do for ZPM's ... I wish the darn things had never been invented. Of course I had to agree. Now I'm stuck here trying to decide who I should take to be on the 'panel of judge's' as I'm so lamely calling it. So far I have ... me. Well I mean, come on, I'm the only person smart enough to pick a suitable leader for these poor souls. I guess we could use Rodney's pickiness and John will surely pick the strongest and ... god help me, this is such a stupid waste of time.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Office. **Still here, but I have come up with a good selection: Me, John, Rodney, Teyla (as a leader herself she would no doubt help pick out a very capable leader, exactally what these people need) and Simon. Yes, Simon, even though I haven't seen the poor excuse for a male around in days, where the heck could he be?

**11 p.m. **Speak of the devil, Simon arrived. I was just settling down to sleep when he arrived, barging into my quaters like he owned the place. His explanation for being absent, 'there was troubles on the mainland.' HA! Yeah right! That's the lamest excuse I ever heard. Was too tired to argue with him so just rolled over and let him wrap his arms around me like he always did. I should have kicked him out ... such a long day ... really is nice to have him here again ... God, I'm so pathetic!

**Wednesday, 12th July.**

**Early Morning. Atlantis: My Office. **Work, work, work, work. That's all I seem to ever do. I live to work ... how sad is that. I feel like it's all I've got at the moment. Despite my best attempts to get John to at least look at me for even a split second, he has still managed to completly ignore me, it's as though I no longer exist. He's my head of security yet he still hasn't said a word to me about this up coming mission. Teyla and Ronan are off working on the mainland, Rodney has been unusually quiet. I'm even starting (shoot me now before I actually write it) to miss his mass emailing. The only person that's actually been around is Simon ... OMG, he's actually around. I think I may just die of shock!!

His story checked out. The problems on the mainland, the one's which he needed to spend so much time away from me for, were confirmed by Teyla's sudden need to rush there by Jumper the next day. A few of the old Athosians had passed away and she was off to say her goodbyes. How sad ... I don't want to get old and die. What if John still isn't speaking to me by then? What if I die and am forced to haunt him untill I can get him to speak to me one last time.

**9 a.m. **I suppose being a ghost with unfinished buisiness wouldn't be so bad. I wonder if I would be able to haunt Atlantis.

**9:15 a.m. **Of course I'd be able to haunt Atlantis. I'd be dead, I could do whatever the heck I wanted to.

**9:30 a.m. **I should really try sleeping ... these distractions are a sickness!

**Friday, 14th July.**

_56kg (nerves), 4 glasses of moonshine (hydrating the nerves), 7 cigarettes (fumagating the nerves), 808 calories (can't eat ... nevrves)._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: My Office. **I knew something would have to happen to dampen my perfect plans for our off-world trip. Teyla radioed in from the Mainland this morning, informing me that she wouldn't be able to make it on out little trip. So now I'm one panel member short. Couldn't even ask Ronan because he was on the Mainland as well, helping Teyla with her 'more important' stuff. Shesh!

Guess I could ask Zelenka, or Beckett or one of the other female staff members so I'm not the only female going.

**11 a.m. **Should have known Zelenka would pull through for me. Not quiet sure how a scientist is going to help with the final decision, but what can you do. He was so eager.

'Radek ... I have a huge favour I'd like to ask of you,' was my approuch to the man who was busy doing something smart on his lap top.

He stopped what he was doing and looked at me, wide eyed. I took it as my oppurtunity to continue.

'Well, there's this off-world trip, that I'm sure you've heard about and -'

'Yes!' he'd said before I even finnished what I was going to say.

'Oh ... oh you will? Great then!'

Wish I had his enthusiasim. If only I could get other people in this Ancient spirit infested city to do what I say that easily.

**1 p.m. **Okay ... really starting to get nervous now. I always get nervous before going off-world. Not that I ever let anyone know that. It just seems that every time I tag along something bad happens. Oh well, must take comfort in the fact that I have Simon there to protect me if anything should go wrong. I knew there was an upside to having a boyfriend.

**2:30 p.m. **I love Simon so much. Nerves are practically all gone. He's made me something to eat, grabbed me something to drink and even offered to file some of my papers. To which I snapped at him for even suggesting to help me file, he should know by now I have a very strict system. But bless him for trying.

**Late Night. Atlantis: Simon's Quaters. **Didn't much feel like sleeping in my bed tonight. Those butterflies are coming back again. Simon suggested that I have sex with him to rid myself of the feeling, slight distraction. Once again, bless that man for being so selfless. Naturally I took him up on the offer didn't help much ... but I must have put him out so much. Don't you love a boyfriend who will gladly put himself way out for you. HA HA HA HA! I make myself laugh ... no really ... hilarius!

**Saturday, 15th July. **

_I weigh nothing, am on another planet, as light as a snow flake, no moonshine as they dont have any (note to self: choose leader who can make moonshine), no cigarettes - am off-world, imposible to count calories, no. of women spotted on this back water planet: 0._

**Possibly the Afternoon. Off-world. My designated wooden shack. **I still can not believe this. Butterflies in my stomache have completly disappeared. I'm now in a blind panic. Not only am I off-world in some strange smelling shack, but I'm practically all alone.

Woke up this morning reaching for Simon, a stupid grin on my face.

'Thanks so much for your support Simon, this trip is going to be a lot easier knowing you're with me.' I smiled and hugged my precious boyfriend. But the moment he squirmed uncomfortable I knew that something was up.

'Ah ... yeah. About that. Look Lizzy, I'd really love to come with you, but I'm affraid something important has come up. I've got a lot of work to do on the Mainland. Thought I'd give Teyla and Ronan a hand.'

HOW SWEET AND COMPASIONATE OF YOU ... YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!! I'm the girl friend. I'm the one he's supposed to help.

'Plus, I already know you got this one completly undercontrol Liz, you're the best.' With that he kissed me and ran out of the room before I even got the chance to explode at him.

So I went to the gate room alone, stepped through the gate with John who still hasn't said one word to me (Wow, he's better then I thought), Rodney and Zelenka who were more interested in bickering with each other then me and Lourne and his team. We were greated warmly enough by the current leader Monterelium (who fortunaltly let us call him Monty) and were introduced to all of the candidates. Then we were shown around the puny, little poor excuse for a village and then asked to stay in our shacks untill morning. Rodney refused untill he saw the ZPM, Monty showed him and that shut Rodney up for at least two minutes.

Oh and did I mention that so far I have not spotted one female. That's right, all males. All of them, the whole darn village, I couldn't believe it. This has got to be some sort of trick. I want to go home.

**It's dark outside my shack ... so Night ... still Off-World. **I'm scared and alone. I want to go home.

**Wednesday, 19th July. **

**11 p.m. Atlantis: Infirmary. **Oh don't tell me you didn't see this coming. I mean we were practically asking for trouble. I'm sitting here being checked over and over and over by Carson who wont let me leave untill he is fully satisfied that I am fine. So ... where should I start.

The whole trip was a waste of time. We sat there for the first few days listening to each candidate talk of how they were going to be the one who made the village a better place, who gave their men (for there were still no women to be seen) the best financial aid, building better shacks, blah blah blah. I mean when you've been to as many political debates as me you begin to know these sort of speeches off by heart. Empty promises that's all they were. I mean what sort of financial aid could anyone offer, 5 star shacks consisted of an inclosed toilet (which was just a hole in the ground) rather then an open/shared one. I mean really!

So they went on and on and on, and we had no sense of time anymore, each day just seemed to mould into one big long never ending nightmare. All my fears and concerns were completly forgotten about in all of the bordom. And ... naturally, that was when it all fell apart.

It was time for the physical test, the test of strength, you know, men showing off. I wasn't allowed to go and watch as women wern't allowed in the fighting ring ... I mean, I really may as well have never gone to this stupid planet in the first place. Zelenka and Rodney stayed to keep me company which left, technically only John from the panel of judges, but Monty had practically let Lourne and his team join the judging too. So John, Lourne and his three team members all went off to their little wrestling match.

At first all was well, Rodney and McKay played one of their stupid math games whilst I tried to catch up on some much needed sleep. I was just drifting off when I heard Zelenka shout something that I did not recognise, followed straight after by Rodneys paniked cry of 'Elizabeth ... RUN!'

Stupid Rodney! First of all I was almost fast asleep so it would have been imposible for me to completly come round and realise what was going on, let alone actually get up and run past about five huge, solid looking men. Secondly there was only one way in or out of this lousy little shack and it was already blocked, so where was I going to run to. All I could do was give Rodney the evil eye for telling me to run (I mean really!) when he clearly knew it wasn't going to help, as I was grabbed forcebly by two of the solid looking meat heads and dragged out side.

We were dragged outside into the open where nearly every memeber of the village was standing around, yelling and screaming as though they were a hungry pack of tribal freaks who were going to cook us and eat us to clense our spirits or something. It was then I really started to panic. Rodney began yelling out to John, he just kept screaming 'SHEPPARD!' and I think it was about then I relised I was going to die. I just had that feeling. If it was serious enough for Rodney to call out for help, then it had to be bad. I opened my own mouth to shout out but one of the men holding me slapped his hand against it very roughly to shut me up.

They led the three of us to what was preety much the centre of the village. All the shacks were circled around this area anyway, and this was where they lit the fire each night. But there was no fire, there was now a large table, or alter, whichever way you looked at it. I caught a glimpse of Zelenka who looked like he had passed out. The two goons carrying him were dragging him along like a rag doll.

'Now shut up all three of you, or I'll start swinging,' one of the largest men I had ever seen shouted out as he picked up a rather sharp and nasty looking axe. Rodney stopped shouting immediatly, even I stopped mumbling through the giant hand that obscured my mouth.

'We don't like outsiders deciding who should lead our people. We will use the three of you as an example to our current leader. We want a say in who our leader should be.' There was a massive cheer as the large man with the axe finished his words.

'Oh my god we're going to die,' Rodney said. From the look on his face it was clear he was giving up. Suddenly I felt very angry.

'You see Rodney,' I yelled out, a little louder then I expected. 'I told you this was a stupid idea, but you never listen to me. EVER! You and your stupid big head!'

'Enough!' The big man with the axe was practically drooling now in anticipation of killing one of us. I felt my heart stop ... I was sure that was it.

'Her first,' the big man yelled out, pointing at me. I had never been so scared in my entire life.

The crowd roared again as I was pushed up towards the alter and shoved onto it. At that moment, as the freakishly large man raised the axe above my head, I felt as though I should say something profound. But as Zelenka was passed out and Rodney was so determined on shouting loudly for my freedom, I thought my words would just go to waste, so I didn't. Looks like I was going to die not ever talking to Sheppard again. Maybe haunting Atlantis wouldn't be so bad after all.

All I remember seeing was the axe come down closer and closer towards my head, I didn't even close my eyes, better to face death front on. Something I had learned from the brave souls on Atlantis. But death never came, one minute I was looking at the axe falling towards me, next moment I heard a shout from Rodney and I was rolling off the alter. I fell on the ground and something crashed down on top of me, wimpering in pain. It was Rodney. As I look back I realised he must have broke free from his captors, jumped at me, knocked me off but got cut in the meantime. It was only a small scratch on his arm from the axe, but he was still carrying on as though he was dying. He was rolling around in the dirt saying something like 'Oh what a world, what a world.' I was so caught up in the moment and so grateful to be alive, thanks to Rodney, that I immediatly rushed to him to make sure he was alright. But before I got there I was seized once again.

And once more I found myself on the alter, I tried to wriggle free of my captors, but this time the large man tossed his axe aside and signalled for the men holding me to let go. I tried to make a break for it but the large man pinned me back down. I couldn't move, my arms and legs were trapped underneath a shocking weight. I thought I might actually shatter, like glass. But there was no axe and he had an almost hungry look in his eyes. What was he playing at? Was he going to kill me or not? It was at that moment that I realised with absolute horror that he was not planning on killing me this time round, he meant to do something far worse. I mean after all, lonely men, no women, the urges must have been ... I can't believe I'm actually finding an excuse for what they were going to do to me! Ack! I was so scared I couldn't think, all I knew was I wanted to go home.

... that's when I heard it, gun fire. Oh sweet, sweet gun fire (never thought I'd say that ... EVER), there was instant chaos as the villages ran every way that they could. But the heavy freak on top of me still didn't budge. I tried calling out, but I was suddenly finding it very hard to breath. He was cutting off my air supply, with one great big hand resting just below my neck. He was crushing me, everything was going dark. But then, with a sexy little growl and with strength I didn't know one man could have, John Sheppard charged into the giants side and sent him crashing to the ground. I gasped for air as I saw him hold a gun to the giants head and shout out, 'don't even think about moving.'

It was then, before everything went dark that I saw John's figure appear above me. He was practically yelling at me, 'Elizabeth ... you okay?' I tried to reply but no words came out. 'Elizabeth?' I saw him shake me gently but I didn't feel a thing. 'LIZ!' But that was the last thing I heard before I slipped into unconciousness.

... And now here I am, in the infirmary after that very traumatising experience, still being looked over by Carson. John's just sitting in the corner on a chair watching Carson look me over and over for any injuries. Zelenka's still passed out and Rodney's still complaining about his arm. Once again, we cheat death and walk away in one peice ... what a life ey.

**Friday, 21st July.**

_54kg (Infirmary food), 0 moonshine, 0 cigarettes (after death experience decided to quit), 2098 calories (so hungry)._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: My Office. **Yes back to work, didn't take long. Spent all night (after Carson finaly released us from the Infirmary) to write up the mission report. Makes me tired just thinking about everything we went through. But all in all, I learnt one valuable lesson in all of this, I am always right and Rodney is never, I repeat, NEVER, right. At least John is speaking to me again too. Well sort of, he has that look in his eyes again, that look of ... what is it? Pity maybe, who knows, but he looks at me as though I'm going to fall to peices. Or maybe he's just glad I'm alive, I certainly have him and Rodney to thank for that.

**2 p.m. **Suddenly felt very upset. In all the drama I forgot one very important thing. Simon wasn't there. There was John, there was Rodney, there was even Zelenka, but the one person that should have been there, the one person that was expected to be there, or at least come running to see how I was, was Simon.

**2:30 p.m. **Bastard!!! Where could he be? Teyla and Ronan came back as soon as they heard the news, where the heck was he?

**Sunday, 23rd July.**

_Who cares how much I eat, drink, smoke, snort, it doesn't matter, I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life, I'm not good enough for anyone. _

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Quaters.** If I could go back in time and stop myself from doing one thing it would be what I did yesterday. I was so stupid. I was feeling a little upset that Simon hadn't come rushing back to me to see how I was, so I asked Rodney if he could fly me to the mainland. Wanting to get away for a while himself he kindly agreed. Or maybe he just realised it was better not to disagree when I'm like this. So there I was, on the Mainland, looking for Simon.

I should have seen it coming, I mean, all the trips to the Mainland, all the staying back, working over time, ditching me for work, something I can say for sure that Simon NEVER used to do. After asking several of the kind Athosians where I could find him I finaly stumbled upon the little dwelling in which he was staying. When I walked into what would be his room and his room alone I saw something that made my near death experience seem like nothing.

There he was, my boyfriend of over 5 years, stark naked, in bed with a beautiful, young, Athosian girl. I just stood there in shock. It all made sense now, how could I not see it before. I felt so stupid!!!

'Lizzy?' Simon said, looking up from his Athosian girl to see me. 'Oh shit ... Liz?'

But I was gone before he could say anything else, I rounded up Rodney and we got in the Jumper and flew back to Atlantis. Once there I went straight to my quaters, almost Zombie like and just crashed onto my bed. And I've been here for a good 12 hours and going to stay here untill the cruelty of life ends. Why did I have to go find out where he was? I could have lived my life without knowing.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quaters. **Feeling so small right now ... I think it's finaly happened, I have no more tears to cry. I've officially ran out of tears. HA! Who would have guessed.

I finally decided to get up and stretch my legs. Maybe go for a walk to my favourite balcony and watch the moon shine down on the water. But once I got there, of course, I wasn't alone. John was there, staring out to sea. He was so deep in thought he didn't even notice me as I leaned on the railing very close to his turned back. I cleared my throat and he turned around immediatly.

'Oh ... hey, didn't hear you come out here. How are you?'

I ignored the question. If I was asked that one more time I was going to shoot myself in the foot. He seemed to notice I didn't want to discuss that, and clearly not knowing what else to talk about he looked back out to the moon. I felt ridiculous standing there. We used to be able to talk about so much together and now, we can't even hold a simple conversation.

It was then that I felt myself on the verge of tears. I should have walked away, a near death experience, a boy friend cheating on you, all mixed with what could possibly be PMS and you get a very insecure, very vulnerable, very confused girl which basically means lots and lots of tears.

'John?' I said, making sure I got his attention first. He turned to look at me, full attention. 'I'm so sorry. For everything, really. I've just been ... and well, you didn't deserve me yelling at you the other day and I'm sorry, you and Mindy are none of my buisness, and yes, sure, she is annoying but hey that's not your fault and I should learn to deal with it, not take it out on you ... and your right, my life is a mess so I took it out on you. And I'm sorry for that too. I should have just gone to bed and locked myself in my room, but no, I had to say something, couldn't keep my big mouth shut and now I've gone and ruined it all and I feel stupid. And that whole off-world thing. Well, I was against it from the start, but it was my fault I should have said something, and I nearly got killed and Rodney, and Zelenka and I'm sorry for that too and I ... I'm sorry for rambling on like this.'

I took a breath and risked a glance at John. His eyebrows were raised in utter shock. Hey, even I couldn't believe I spoke that much. And then the tears started, I held them back as much as I could, but a few rolled down my cheeks, and as much as I reassure myself that he couldn't have seen them, I'm preety sure, that unless he was blind (and being a pilot that would be hard), that he saw them.

He took a step back, probably surprised, maybe he just wanted to get away, who knows. Then he said. 'Where's this coming from? ... None of this is your fault ... And you haven't ruined anything.'

I didn't want to listen. I turned away as the tears became harder and harder to control and my breathing was sounding horribly strained.

Then John did it, I had my back turned so it wasn't so bad, but he simply said 'Elizabeth?' in the same way he did when we were off-world. Confused, concerned, scared. And it was, well nice, nice to have someone that cared so much amongst all this trouble.

'John? What's going on?' It was Mindy. I could tell her voice from a mile away.

'N-nothing, could we just have a moment,' John said. I heard Mindy say okay as though it was no trouble. Anything for her John. I didn't want to be here, it wasn't right. So I ran. Back to my quaters, where I once again retreated to my bed. Now I have to live with the embarrasment tomorrow of knowing I broke down in front of John and now Mindy saw too. Could this month get any worse!

**11 p.m. **I need chocolate. Chocolate makes it all better.

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AN: I'm sorry for spelling. I stayed up late just so I would finish before bed so you's could actually read it. You deserve it, thankyou for being so patient when you clearly didn't have to be. I know this chapter is a little full on but it had to get out of the way. Really want to know what you think, not as funny, I know, but this chapter couldn't be. Hope you all still read this. And stay with me folks, next chappy up soon. August ... can't get any worse I'm telling ya!


	9. August: The Unthinkable

Note: This chapter is for everyone thats ever broken up with someone before, or been in love with someone, or been confused about someone. LOL, so preety much, this one is for everyone. Once again, sorry it took so long, next chapter will not take as long. This one isn't very fun, there's a lot of solid writing in it, so don't hate it straight away, it's trying to tell a story without stretching it out over so many days it gets annoying. So really love to know what you think, as usual.

**And thank you so much to everyone who's still reading despite my late updates, thanks for the support and kind words, hope you enjoy:)**

Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate Atlantis or the novel "Bridget Jones's Diary" by Helen Fielding.

Warning: Use of swearing, adult themes, bad stunts which shouldn't be copyed at home, bad behavior, agression, anger, violence and just over all a whole lot of stuff you shouldn't copy as adopting this life style could indeed affect your health.

**Elizabeth Weir's Diary!**

**August: The Unthinkable!**

**Tuesday, 1st August**

_52 kg (been too miserable to eat), sooooo much moonshine (it's all that keeps me going), 1000 calories (mainly chocolate), hours spent sleeping: 12, no. of normal conversations have had with people: 0._

**5 a.m. **Could almost say that sleep has been my best friend, but I'm not sure how chocolate and moonshine would feel about that. They're all equal firsts' at the moment. Have decided it best if I just stay away from everyone for the time being. Have been snapping at people for no reason, holding back tears another, getting all insecure and making people feel uncomfortable. This is not like me at all! I hate Simon for doing this to me!! I wish the wraith would just ... I don't know ... Even my threats are becoming empty!!!

Worst part is there has been nothing to distract me. Work has been preety much non-existant lately. Carson has ordered I take it easy after everything that's happened with Simon and my almost rape, almost hacked apart with an axe experience, but truth be told I would welcome the distraction. Problem is the Athosians have been facing a delima on the mainland, people have been falling ill and passing away, not just the elderly, but the very young now too. It's a very serious problem, so serious that everyone is there trying to do all that they can to solve the issue.

Naturally Simon is still there with his beautiful, dirty magazing worthy mistress. He didn't even try to find me and try to explain after what happened, not even one pathetic excuse.

**8 p.m. **I am so lonely. I am so alone. Why would Simon do this to me? Am I really that bad? Did I drive him away?

**Wednesday, 2nd August**

_52 kg (standing strong), 28 coffees (replacing smoking and alcohol, am a new women), 1500 calories (very good)._

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. **I decided that it's not worth being miserable over anymore. I am a gorgeous, powerful women. I mean, what do I have to be insecure about, I am in charge of the most historically significant city in the entire infinant galaxy. I mean, how much better can ya get?

I am swearing off the male population for a while, no more with men. From now on am going to treat every male friend like a female friend so I don't get too close or get any ideas. Next time Rodney want's to have a few drinks with me we shall braid each others hair in between glasses. Next time Zelenka wants to go over some new scientific discovery we will paint each others nails and crack open a bottle of champagne. I will stop bitching about every little thing, no more picking on Mindy, from now on, I will try and get along with her. I will spend more time in the gym with Teyla and less time eating food. Feeling much better already.

**9 p.m. **Blooby bastards still not back from the mainland, who cares, so long as I have this chocolate and moonshine, I'll be right. And what was I thinking, friends with Mindy, oh pu-lease ... okay, so I'll start all those things tomorrow.

**Friday, 4th August**

_51 kg (all this missery is doing wonders for my figure), 56 coffees (maybe I should start with the moonshine and smokes again, save me dying of a caffine overdose), 2000 calories (all that chocolate I'm not supposed to be eating)._

**9 a.m. **Darn it, darn it, darn it, darn it, darn it. They all came back from the mainland this morning, completly unanounced. Teyla looked exhausted, Ronan actually looked less scary, Johns hair was a thousand times messier then usual and Rodney looked thinner. And then there was Simon, stepping out of the Puddle Jumper after everyone else, looking at me and smiling ... PRICK! And darn it, he still looked great, I hate that!!! Why is it that after every break up, the women always look like shit and the men look a million bucks.

John seemed to notice who I was looking at, he gave me a very pissed off look then said, 'when would you like us to de-brief?'

Don't know what that look was for, or the tone, but I wasn't very keen on being in a room with Simon just yet, I needed to prepare myself, meditate, watch Opera or something. 'We'll de-brief in 1 hour,' I said. They did look tired and the sooner it was over with the sooner they could get some rest ... See, I can be nice when I want to be.

Without so much as a look in my direction, John simply stormed off, what was his problem?? Now I find myself pacing in my office, waiting for the breifing to start.

**11 a.m. Atlantis: Briefing Room. **Thank god for lap tops. Never knew that Caldwell could turn a potentially interesting briefing into something so long and boring if it wasn't for Solitaire I probably would have lost my mind by now. Oh, a message ...

** Message Weir**

** Why arn't you running the de-briefing?**

** Sheppard**

How dare he think that I have nothing better to do then feed his curiosity. Okay, I didn't I would rather answer the message then listen to Caldwell. But what do I tell my head of security? That Carson thought me too emotionally unstable at the moment to handle briefings? Well that wasn't a hundred percent true. It was just a little time off. Naturally Caldwell jumped at the chance to be in charge for however long it took. But what to say, had word of my break up already gotten out? Did everyone now know that their leader, the person they were all expected to follow orders from was not even good enough to keep her boy friend from sleeping around. I was just getting ready to type back some other reason when ...

** Message Weir**

** We need to talk.**

** Simon**

I had to resist the temptation to pick up my lap top and throw it at Simon's head. Did he really think that I had anything to say to him? I cancelled the message and closed my lap top rather dramatically. Probably a little too dramatic as every head turned to look at me. Caldwells drone faltered slightly, but he continued as though there had been no disruption. John looked a little stunned. Simon, to my horror was just starring at me with that sleezy smile as though nothing was wrong and those beautiful puppy dog eyes ... NO! I would not fall for that.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quarters. **DICK HEAD!!!! I hate him so much, hate hate hate. Kill, kill, kill. After another 15 min of Caldwell blabbing on and me not having my lap top to distract me I got antsy and took over the briefing. Was very pleased to notice how everyone immediatly perked up and said 'yes ma'am' when I gave my final instructions for them all to rest up. Caldwell was furious, John and Ronan seemed VERY pleased. Felt very happy am new woman.

Just as I was making my escape I was stopped by Simon. 'Can I please talk to you.' My first instinct was to run away, but something held me there, wait, I know what it was ... what's it called again? Ah, yes ... STUPIDITY!

'Liz, please, this will only take a second.' Unable to move I had to listen. 'I feel so bad. You have no idea. I'm an idiot, I'm so stupid. You're fantastic, I really miss you.' I couldn't really understand what he was saying, all I could hear come out of his mouth was, 'I'm a tool, I'm a tool, I'm a tool, tool, tool.'

Then I said it. I don't know why, it was so stupid, it was exactally what he wanted to hear, 'I miss you to.' It was quiet but it was there. WHY???????? I am SUCH AN IDIOT!

Then he continued. 'The thing is Lizzy, me and Jesabelle ...' Jesebelle???? Was he serious? What is it with the men in Atlantis and girls with bad names!!!! Did they run out of Sallys or Kims or even Catherine. 'It's just ... its' really special Liz.'

I felt my jaw drop open. How could it be special, she was a random fling on the side. How could she be special!! HOW COULD SHE BE SPECIAL??? I felt myself losing it, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to drink moonshine and get the hell away from this mad man. But he grabbed my arms and looked into my eyes. 'I'm sorry Lizzy, but we're getting married.'

It was then that something just snapped inside of me. Maybe it was everything built up into this one big ball of anger. Next thing I knew I had raised my arm and then I had punched him, just under his eye. He let out a yelp immediatly and I took this distraction to get as far away from him as I could manage. And I didn't stop running till I had made it safely to my quarters.

**Even Later. Atlantis: My Quarters. **I wonder if Rodney's forgotten who I am lately, I could really use a drink with a girl friend right now. Maybe we could exchange bastard boyfriend stories with each other ... okay, I need more REAL female friends, there's only so far I can go pretending that all my male friends are girls.

**Sunday, 6th August**

_Too depressed to weigh myself, too depressed to eat, too depressed to sleep, too depressed to drink coffee, no. of stick fights broke down and cried during: 1 (why, oh why!)._

**8 a.m. Atlantis: My Office. **Now that have lied to Carson telling him I'm fine, I am back into work. So much paper work decided to get early start, have been here since 5 a.m. Everything just seems so much easier when you are distracted by work. I don't know why I'm so upset, I should be happy. Simon is now walking around with a black eye, and even though he tells everyone that he got it whilst trying to save a life (can you believe people believe this bull), I think some people are beginning to figure it out. I got him back good, but it's not making me feel any better about myself. How can he be getting married, he's only just met the little hussy!!!!

**8:15 a.m. **How long had he been sleeping with her for??? Was it since before we went away on holidays to earth. Was that why he was so miserable. Or was it after, because we had such a boring time and he relised I wasn't as fun as some mainland farmers daughter??? I need to know!!

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Quarters. **Am so embarrased, but I don't care anymore. So I was on my way to ask Simon how long he had been with skanky Athosian, when I came to my senses. As work was no longer doing it for me, I decided to distract myself with a little stick sparring. Hoping that Teyla would be there (my only female friend whom I could successfully bitch to), but no, Ronan was there instead, training on his own. Was going to slowly back out of the gym but he turned around and saw me.

'Dr. Weir,' he said, smiling as though all his christmas' had come at once. 'Wanna go a round?'

I must have looked like I really needed it, because he picked up two sticks and handed me one before I could say no. With a determined look on my face I bowed to Ronan (what was I thinking, he had muscles the size of soccor balls!), we started moving around each other. He had this look on his face as though he knew I wouldn't be any good. Teasing me, mocking me ... how dare he.

I'm still not sure how I did it, it's all such a messy, angry blur. One minute Ronan had me beaten, he had hit me twice with the stick on my leg, which was throbbing uncontrollably, he was going to win, he had me off balance. Then, something just snapped inside and I struck my stick out, it connected with the side of his face. He stumbled back as I regained my balance, not waiting another minute, I spun the stick around, stricking him on the back of the ankles, he completly lost balance and fell heavily to the floor of the gym.

I stood there panting over him whilst he looked up at me in complete shock. Then he laughed, it wasn't a mocking laugh, more of an approving laugh. But I lost it, I threw my stick down, said something childish like 'I don't like this stupid game anyway,' and ran off to my quarters, tears pouring down my face.

I think it's official, I have completly lost the plot. Now I'm lying here, all alone, in tears, feeling stupid. What's Ronan going to think of me? He probably thinks I'm a nut case! OMG! There's a knock on my door. Maybe if I ignore it they'll go away.

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quarters. **Okay, so he didn't think I was a nut case. The knock on my door was Ronan. I tried my hardest to make it look like I had been working, rather then bawling my eyes out, but he's not as stupid as he looks.

'You okay?' he said. I was stunned, I had no idea the big guy could be so compassionate. I nodded, holding back tears, now would not be a good time to start crying. He studdied me for a moment as though waiting for me to get over it, I felt rather uncomfortable him just watching me like that. I sniffed, wipped my eyes on my sleeve then looked up at him thinking about whether it would be a good idea to tell him to say something or piss off.

'You done?' he said, raising an eyebrow. I nodded again. 'Good, I know what you need.' And with that he grabbed my arm forcefully and dragged me off to the designated recreational area where the TV and DVD player were set up.

He sat me down and put a DVD in the player. Without a word to each other we just sat there and watched his choice of movie, "Borat". He must have got it when we were last on earth. I had heard him bugging John and Rodney to watch it with him, but they said they had better things to do. Now, as I had no choice in the matter, I found myself watching the ridiculous movie that insulted my intellectual mind, with none other then Ronan. It was probably the most fun I had had in weeks.

Now here I am, in bed, actually smiling. Wondering how anyone could actually look good in a man-kini, but smiling nonetheless.

**Monday, 7th August**

**10 p.m. Atlantis: My Office. **Very successful day, very happy. Seems after movie night with Ronan everything has been going smoothly. Teyla approuched me early this morning when I decided to have breakfast, I told her everything, all about Simon, the arsehole. She just sat there listening as I bitched and bitched and bitched. Very good audience, I didn't tear up once. She shared some of her relationship drama's with me, who would have guessed that she could have just as many troubles, an alien, relating to me completly.

**10:15 p.m.** Suddenly don't feel so bad about Simon, if Teyla could have someone cheat on her, then it could happen to anyone, even if they are drop dead gorgeous. I mean look at her, Simon slept with a sexy Athosian porn-star, Teyla IS one of those sexy Athosian porn-stars.

**10:50 p.m. **Am never going to get a man. Not here, not on Atlantis, not when single, sexy, Athosian porn-star Teyla is around. They will all go for her, I'm doomed to be alone.

**11 p.m. **Bates ... he liked me, we shared a moment, brief and disturbing, but we had a moment nonetheless, maybe he still has a thing for me. Maybe he will be my fall back boy. Hmm, screw work ... I'm going to see if Bates is interested.

**11:10 p.m. **WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???????? Am totally out of control. Am staying put, not going to think anymore silly thoughts. Bates, shesh, what was I thinking!!!!!!

**Sunday, 13th August**

_50 kg (am deteriorating), 10 coffees (very good), 7 cigarettes (peer-preasure), calories ... not enough, no. of positive thoughts: 0, no. of negative thoughts: 0 (it's a win, win situation)._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: My Office. **Yup still here, still working hard. That seems to be all I'm doing. Have been thinking about invisible John lately. Invisible because I haven't seen much of him lately, with nothing much going on in the Wraith department and gate travel at a minimum to save power there's a bit of down time and I haven't seen head nor tale of him in a while. I see him here and there, laughing with Mindy, but I try and walk the other way. Suddenly find myself really missing him. Missing the good old days when we used to talk on the balcony together when he used to visit me in my office. Not very professional but I'm beginning to get bored. Can't leave my office because Simon is around.

Teyla thinks I need to get away, but how can I get away when there's no where to go.

**5 p.m. **Just when I was thinking of throwing myself into the ocean (just for a little change of pase, something interesting to do), the StarGate activated and we recieved a recording from some old friends.

A young man was on our screen asking for John. Seems they were the same kids that Rodney was going to steal a ZPM from in our earlier expeditions. They explained that they were out of chocolate and how John and his team were all long over due for a visit. John was practically bursting with excitement at the idea of going for a visit. Mindy was by his side looking on longingly, 'how cute Johnny, I never knew you were so good with kids.' YUCK!!!!

With the promise that they can go tomorrow, I felt a little better that something interesting had happened.

**5:45 p.m. **Am so stupid. This is just what I need to get away for a little while. I'm going with them tomorrow!

**Monday, 14th August**

**Afternoonish. Off-World: My treehouse. **Yes, that's right. I, Elizabeth Weir, am in a tree house. I don't know if this new spontanious me is, well, if its me really. So far I have been going off-world a lot more than usual, without even thinking about it. When I announced I was going with John and his team, they all looked at each other with awkward sort of smiles.

'Is there a problem?' I asked them all.

'No, not at all,' John said, looking slightly uncomfortable.

'It's just everytime you come with us, something bad happens,' Rodney blurted out, obviously concerned for his own safety.

'Tough,' I shouted, once again, amazed at my maturity. With that I stepped through the gate before anyone else.

Must say, I made the right choice, the kids were in love with us the moment we got here. John gave them a gift of chocolate and they went crazy, they showed us where we would be sleeping and let us do as we please. Like a holiday really, a holiday in neverland.

**Little while later. **Actually starting to feel quite old. I don't think there is anyone here over 24. Worst part is, they're all married. Most women who are old enough to have kids are pregnat. Is there any hope for me? Will I be 86 and still not married, still with no children?? What will I do with myself, I don't want to knit!!!!

**Later still. **Decided I needed to take a walk. Rodney was busy yelling at two very cute looking kids, a boy and a girl. Anyone that knows Rodney can tell that he missed them, they must have been the ones he was telling me about after there mission all of those years ago. Teyla, it seems, is getting very clucky, and I have never seen so many kids interested in anyone as these ones were with Ronan. They were all amazed at how he was cracking boards and could lift them up one-handed.

Found John by the camp fire they had set up for us, he looked very peaceful, he definatly liked it here. He turned around and caught site of me, he smiled as though confused, waved and said 'hey.' It was then that I realised I was standing there, completly still, staring at him when he turned around. Shit, how embarrasing. I looked away and pretended as though I was admiring a tree-house.

'Oh, hey ... didn't see you there.' Oh god I'm an idiot! He moved over and patted the patch of grass next to him indicating for me to join him. I guess it was now or never, we'd have to have a civil conversation sooner or later.

I think we probably sat there for a few moments before either of us spoke. Actually it was me that spoke, unable to stand the silence any longer.

'So ... have you seen Borat yet? It's actually quite funny. Politically incorrect but still funny ...' Oh I should have kicked myself in the head. We hadn't spoken properly to one another in weeks and this was how I broke the ice.

He laughed and shook his head, still not saying anything. It was odd, he wasn't angry, well he was hiding it well if he was. All of a sudden it seemed weird, I had thrown a jar at him, yelled at him, made it quite clear I was jealous of his girl friend, been so stuborn he had had to carry me to the infirmary, I had burst into tears in front of him and now he was acting as though none of it had happened. I have been so stupid, I have been such a bitch, why wasn't he angry, he should hate me ... darn it!! WHY DOESN'T HE SAY ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!

'I heard about you and Simon.' My whole body seemed to go numb. Darn Teyla and her big mouth. Now it was my turn to be silent, this was not the conversation I wanted to have. 'He's a jerk Elizabeth, just so you know that. You can do a whole lot better then him.'

Suddenly felt very calm, very at ease, very happy. I looked up at John gratefully, he smiled at me then looked away. 'You gave him one heck of a black eye though.'

I laughed, despite myself I laughed, it was so true. 'John ...' I said, he actually turned to look at me again.

'Yeah?'

'Thank you, for everything ... and I am sorry.' I didn't need to explain, he understood. He nodded and it felt comfortable again. As though nothing had happened. It was then that I realised how close we were. We were both looking at each other, he was inches away, but the gap was closing fast, I could feel him breathing, it was wrong ... this was bad ... but I just couldn't pull away, his eyes were drawing me in. I could hear my heart beating at a hundred miles per hour ... he was so close, I could feel his shoulder bump mine and -

'JOHN!' The eye contact was broken immediatly as two small children jumped excitedly at John. The spell was broken immediatly as I realised in horror how close me and my head of security, John Sheppard had just come to ruining our professional working relationship. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't stay there any longer, I had almost crossed a line. I took his distraction to my advantage and quickly made my escape. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, watching me leave, but he didn't say anything. He knew as well as I did that that was too close for comfort.

**Wednesday, 16th August.**

_50 kg (still, break-ups are no good for a womens figure), 2 glasses of moonshine (only to help get the brain working), 8 cigarettes (only to fumigate the brain to get it working), 78 cups of coffee (brain food), 875 calories (too confused to eat), no. of times have over analyzed moment with John: 1999 (very bad!!)._

**8 a.m. **You know, work has never failed me before. When I was confused about little pimple faced Timothy hooking up with another girl in 5th grade after he promised that he would one day marry me, I completed all my assignments that day, just to get my mind off him. Since then, every time I was upset about something, men, or other, I would absorb myself in work until I forgot all about my problems. This time however, work has failed me.

No matter what I do, no matter how hard I work, I can not, for the life of me, stop thinking about what happened on my trip off-world. It was sad to leave all the kids behind, especially knowing what I was coming back to, but that was all part of our job, make friends then part ways with them ... for now. What was sadder, was how John and I were now choosing to act around each other. It was much like that time when the Alien entities took over our bodies and Caldwell reminded us of our extremely passionate, alien influenced kiss. We couldn't look at each other straight, we had had to sit in the infirmary in awkward silence for hours before we both decided to just pretend it never happened and to move on.

But this time, there were no aliens, there were no excuses. It was him and me, and one awkward close call hovering over our heads.

DARN IT! I'm analyzing it again!!

**8:45 a.m. **What does it mean though??? Does he like me or was it just a, 'hey we're friends again, lets hook up,' thing? Is there such thing? Did he suffer temporary brain damage and not realise what he was doing?? Was it just curiosity? Did he just want to brag to his friends that he had hooked up with Atlantis' leader???

**9 a.m. **AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I'm going crazy over this!!

**Thursday, 17th August.**

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Quarters. **Nowhere is safe, NOWHERE! Am going to hide out in my quarters until everyone just disappears.

First off there was Simon, I ran into him in the corridors, I mean literally ran into him. I was so engulfed in a book I was studying I hadn't looked where I was going. I was so caught off guard I stumbled and almost fell, but he grabbed me and pulled me close to him.

'Saved your life,' he had said with a stupid grin on his stupid face! It was then I realised that I was in the arms of the man that had single handedly ruined my life. I regained my composure and quickly pushed myself away from his perfectly chiseled chest (ack! I can't lie, I always did like his chest). He folded his arms across his chest as though waiting for me to say thanks or something.

'Look Liz, we don't have to do this,' he had started, just as I was getting ready to walk away from him. 'It doesn't have to be like this, we can still be friends.'

I looked up at him in utter shock, I took a deap breath, I pointed ... I was getting ready to explode, to say it all, to scream to yell, to throw things at him and call him rude names ... but I realised it was pointless. I was now completly beyond words. I realised, right then and there that I did miss him, he had broken my heart, I had loved him. But all that was gone now, I had admited it ... I realised I could now move on. I had lowered my hand, shut my mouth and walked past him with my nose in the air.

Would have been a day to remember, a historical moment. I was finally over Simon. We had good times, great times, but now it was done ... finnished, it was time to get over it and move on.

So there I was, my proudest moment. I was so caught up in myself I didn't quite realise where I was walking or where I was headed. Next thing John passed me, his perfectly ruffled hair, his black, perfectly fitted t-shirt with those sharp eyes and ... BAM!! -

- I ran head first into one of the open science lab doors. I couldn't believe it, there I was in all my glory, distracted by something I shouldn't of been distracted by, and I ran smack bam into a door.

'Elizabeth ... what did you do that for?' a very puzzled looking Rodney said as he watched me screw up my face and rub my forehead. I gave him a shove for opening the door on me ... felt better to blame someone, then I quickly looked back, but John was nowhere to be seen.

**11:50 p.m. **What is wrong with me???

**Sunday, 20th August.**

_51 kg (Carson is making me eat, evil man), 5 glasses of moonshine (helps with the knowledge am going to be alone forever), 0 cigarettes (must attract men), no. of potential husbands found: 0._

**Early Morning. Atlantis: My Balcony. **Am starting to look at every male on Atlantis in terms of whether they are dateable or not. So far have found no one that is even remotely suitable for me. There all too pig-headed, all too up their bums for me, too sure of themselves. Why can't I just find a perfect man; tall, dark, handsome, good teeth, good hair, good body, good dress sense, good manners, funny, charming, perfect in bed, one that cooks and cleans. Not too unreasonable.

I don't know why I felt so suprised when I saw John and Mindy cuddling on the lounge in the recreational area the other day. They were watching some stupid lovey-dovey movie, looking like an old married couple. It was cruel to see, they were so happy ... why can't I have that???

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. **Maybe I missunderstood John's intentions. Maybe he didn't mean to kiss me at all. Maybe he couldn't hear me properly so just moved in closer so as not be rude and say, 'what did ya say?' when I was in the middle of appologising. Maybe he was trying to get a better look at something just over my shoulder. Maybe he liked the perfume I was wearing. It just doesn't make any sense, if him and Mindy are still in love why did he come so close to ruining it.

Am thinking about it again ... bugger!

**Late Night. Atlantis: My Office. **Have just got word that problem on the mainland needs attention. Seems like our work is never done. More people are getting sick. Have decided to send a team there, a team that can stay on the mainland for a while, at least until the problem is solved. Now have to spend all night picking out suitable people for the job.

...OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I have just the person!!!

**Tuesday, 22nd August.**

**8 a.m. **And now begins my complete Simon-free life. I added him to the list of doctors and scientists that I was sending to the mainland. He knew exactally what I was doing, but he didn't object, give him more time with that play girl of his. Feeling very good about myself right now, made the right decision, now I can get on with my life without that good for nothing trouble maker.

**Friday, 25th August.**

_52 kg (nothing to do with Carson, am so happy now, realised how hungry I have been), 0 moonshine, 0 cigarettes, 1780 calories._

**Afternoon. Atlantis: My Balcony. **Everything is going very smoothly at the moment. It's quiet, a little too quiet sometimes, but I'm enjoying it for a change. With no Simon around, I have been much better, have not smoked, have not drunk, life is sweet.

**Monday, 28th August.**

**9 p.m. **I couldn't have imagined it. There's no way. He wouldn't have acted so oddly if it was all just a figment of my imagination. I dunno what happened really, it was all rather odd.

Ronan finally got everyone together to watch Borat, who knows how many times he had watched it now. He seemed to like the way the main character was just as confused by the American culture as he was. I joined them all, I don't know why, I'd seen it before, it wasn't my favourite movie, but I just liked the way it made me smile. John had been there, of course, sitting there, everything seemed normal. I sat next to him, not my choice really, only seat left. He didn't really say anything to me, not a word, gave me one of his smiles then acted as though I wasn't there.

Then, during one of the funniest parts of the movie, he just got up, without a word and walked out. Very, very odd.

**9:30 p.m. **I don't know why I did it, guess I was just curious. I gave John a few moments before I followed him out, I wasn't sure if he left because of me, or whether something else was on his mind, so I just did it. I followed him all the way to private quarters. I thought he was just simply going to go to bed, maybe there was nothing to it, perhaps he was just tired.

But he didn't go to his room, he knocked on a different door. Immediatly it opened and Mindy greated him with a kind smile, in her silky, flimsy PJ's, (I really need to get some new ones). John didn't even smile back, he just kissed her passionatly and they moved into her room and out of sight.

**9:45 p.m. **Why did I follow him??? Why, why, why??? What was the point, I didn't have to see that. Why did I have to think everything was about me. Here I was thinking he left the movie because of me, when it was just because he wanted to see Mindy. I hate myself for thinking that, I hate myself for intruding, I'm supposed to be the leader of Atlantis, It's time I started acting like it.

**10:50 p.m. **Can't sleep, feel quilty for some very odd reason. Can't stop thinking about John. It's just been such a confusing month, I was so stupid to think that he meant anything from our little camp-fire encounter, I'm his superior, I'm in charge, it's wrong, it's not right.

**11:55 p.m. **Stupid Rodney ... stupid Ronan ... Stupid Zelenka, was just dropping off to sleep when heard them all come back from the movie. It's just unfortunate that because we get to see movies so rarely around here, once everyone watches one, they'll quote nothing else for months and months. Guess I'll just have to put up with Rodney's, 'very nice ... a high five,' for a while ...

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AN: Am hoping to have next chappy up within the next week or so, so stay tuned. And hopefully will be a little more fun, little more up beat, because this one was a little slow I know. Love to hear your thoughts as usual. Getting very close to the end, so anything you'd all like to see happen, let me know, see what I can do ; )


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